“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.”
Respect
“Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.”
WomenAll Quotes by Rita Rudner
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
Marriage“My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.”
Dating“Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.”
Women“A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.”
War“My Vegas act is how I make my money.”
Money“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
Marriage“I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.”
Great“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.”
Marriage“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'”
Car“I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.”
Parenting“My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.”
Age“I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.”
Business“We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.”
Pet“There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.”
Humor“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.”
Men“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.”
Funny“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.”
Medical“In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.”
Funny“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Great