“There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.”
Humor
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'”
CarAll Quotes by Rita Rudner
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
Marriage“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.”
Medical“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'”
Car“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
Marriage“A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.”
War“I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.”
Great“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.”
Respect“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Great“My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.”
Dating“Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.”
Women“We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.”
Pet“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”
Pet“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
Funny“I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.”
Business“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.”
Men“My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.”
Age“Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.”
Love“Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.”
Women“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.”
Funny