“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”
Life
“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”
ArtAll Quotes by Groucho Marx
“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”
Power“I must confess, I was born at a very early age.”
Age“She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.”
Beauty“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
Wedding“Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.”
Marriage“The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.”
Life“No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.”
Time“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
Funny“It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.”
Relationship“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”
Art“I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.”
Good“Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.”
Art“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”
Medical“Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.”
Humor“Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
Intelligence“Women should be obscene and not heard.”
Women“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
Funny“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
Best“Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.”
Time