“I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.”
Good
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”
MorningAll Quotes by Groucho Marx
“In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.”
Wedding“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”
Morning“Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.”
Art“Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.”
Marriage“No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.”
Time“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
Funny“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”
Medical“Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”
Life“Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.”
Music“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
Wedding“She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.”
Beauty“It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.”
Relationship“I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.”
Time“All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.”
Funny“Humor is reason gone mad.”
Humor“Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
Intelligence“Women should be obscene and not heard.”
Women“I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.”
Medical“Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.”
Time