“If God dropped acid, would he see people?”
God
“If God dropped acid, would he see people?”
GodAll Quotes by Steven Wright
“I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.”
Car“I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.”
Car“I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.”
Future“When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.”
Science“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.”
Funny“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
Funny“My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.”
Pet“I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.”
Time“I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'”
Money“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”
Birthday“What's another word for Thesaurus?”
Funny“When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'”
Good“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.”
Poetry“I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.”
Funny“Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.”
Time“I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.”
Pet“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.”
Humor“I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.”
God“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.”
Work