“The only risk of failure is promotion.”
Failure
“Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.”
FutureAll Quotes by Scott Adams
“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.”
Dating“Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.”
Best“You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.”
Women“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
Intelligence“Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems.”
Technology“There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.”
Pet“It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.”
Humor“When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.”
Money“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
Art“Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.”
Best“I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.”
Fear“In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.”
Best“The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay.”
Best“Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.”
Failure“We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.”
Knowledge“Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.”
Forgiveness“Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.”
Society“The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.”
Family“Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.”
Business