“It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.”
Mom“Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.”
Age“It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.”
Mom“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”
Humor“Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.”
Design“Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.”
Family“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”
Funny“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.”
Life“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.”
Diet“Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.”
Women“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.”
Home“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.”
Dreams“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.”
God“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”
Car“Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.”
Medical“For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.”
Home“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”
Thanksgiving“I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.”
Life“Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.”
Car“I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'”
Time“Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.”
Alone“Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.”
Car