“Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.”
Mom“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.”
Dreams“Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.”
Mom“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”
Courage“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.”
Life“I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.”
Women“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.”
God“Never order food in excess of your body weight.”
Food“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
Car“I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'”
Time“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.”
Car“Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.”
Car“Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.”
Medical“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”
Sports“Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.”
Business“For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.”
Home“Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.”
Success“Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.”
Age“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”
Car“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
Humor“God created man, but I could do better.”
God“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.”
Birthday