“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”
Politics
“It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”
MoneyAll Quotes by W. C. Fields
“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
Food“I like children - fried.”
Funny“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.”
Women“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
Humor“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
Funny“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.”
Family“Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.”
Great“There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”
Time“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”
Life“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
Food“I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.”
Equality“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”
Trust“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
Money“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
Success“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
Best“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”
Death“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.”
Death“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”
Experience“I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.”
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