“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”
Life
“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”
ExperienceAll Quotes by W. C. Fields
“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”
Trust“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
Money“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.”
Women“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.”
Family“I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.”
Equality“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
Humor“I like children - fried.”
Funny“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”
Experience“It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”
Money“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”
Politics“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
Food“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
Food“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
Food“There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”
Time“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
Success“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
Funny“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.”
Best“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.”
Death“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
Best