“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
Humor
“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
FoodAll Quotes by W. C. Fields
“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
Food“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.”
Women“No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.”
Women“There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”
Time“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
Money“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
Funny“I like children - fried.”
Funny“I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.”
Equality“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”
Death“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
Success“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”
Politics“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.”
Family“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.”
Death“Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.”
Great“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”
Experience“It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”
Money“I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.”
Home“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
Food“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.”
Best