“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.”
Women
“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
SuccessAll Quotes by W. C. Fields
“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”
Experience“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”
Politics“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”
Death“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
Humor“Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.”
Great“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
Money“I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.”
Home“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
Success“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.”
Best“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”
Life“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
Food“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
Best“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.”
Death“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
Food“I like children - fried.”
Funny“No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.”
Women“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”
Trust“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.”
Family“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
Funny