“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
Best
“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.”
WomenAll Quotes by W. C. Fields
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
Food“I like children - fried.”
Funny“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
Food“I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.”
Home“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”
Life“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”
Politics“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
Success“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.”
Women“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.”
Family“No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.”
Women“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
Humor“Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.”
Great“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
Food“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.”
Best“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.”
Death“I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.”
Equality“It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”
Money“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”
Trust“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
Money