“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
Humor
“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
SuccessAll Quotes by W. C. Fields
“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
Food“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.”
Women“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
Success“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
Food“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
Funny“I like children - fried.”
Funny“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
Money“I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.”
Home“It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”
Money“There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”
Time“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
Best“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”
Death“No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.”
Women“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
Food“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.”
Death“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”
Trust“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.”
Best“Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.”
Great“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.”
Experience