“Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.”
Teacher“All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.”
Change“Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.”
Teacher“Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.”
Good“We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.”
Government“People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.”
Anger“If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.”
Government“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
Funny“One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the capacity for self-governance and self-organizing just isn't there. It has to do with history.”
History“Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort.”
God“There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives.”
Women“There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it's low on my list.”
Change“I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.”
Home“Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.”
Marriage“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a 'learning experience.' It makes me feel less stupid.”
Experience“Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.”
Great“I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements.”
Travel“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.”
Family“The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.”
Government“No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.”
History“You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.”
Money“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”
Car