“What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?”
Travel
“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
FunnyAll Quotes by George Carlin
“If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
Alone“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”
Family“When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.”
Life“At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.”
Death“Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.”
Good“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”
Death“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
Funny“I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.”
Time“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”
Work“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.”
Death“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”
Pet“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.”
Time“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.”
Funny“Religion is just mind control.”
Religion“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”
Funny“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
Money“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.”
Communication“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?”
Freedom“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
Christmas