“Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.”
Age“I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior.”
Men“Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.”
Age“The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.”
Family“Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.”
Peace“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
Funny“If you have no faith, you've lost your battle.”
Faith“Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.”
Work“A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.”
Parenting“Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.”
Best“Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.”
Home“Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.”
Music“I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.”
Love“Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.”
Hope“The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.”
Parenting“Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.'”
Success“Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.”
Business“The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.”
Future“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”
Failure“Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.”
Men“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”
Funny“Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.”
Food