“I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.”
Love“Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.”
Peace“I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.”
Love“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
Funny“People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.”
Forgiveness“I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Good“The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.”
Family“There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.”
Funny“I don't have a problem believing in God and Jesus. But in Genesis one has to wonder about these sentences that just go on and end without finishing. The thought is unfinished. Where did Adam go? What is he doing? Hello? There has to be some pages missing.”
God“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.”
Education“The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.”
Parenting“Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.”
Peace“Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.”
Best“A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.”
Parenting“Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.'”
Success“The heart of marriage is memories and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.”
Anniversary“Gray hair is God's graffiti.”
God“The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.”
Future“If you have no faith, you've lost your battle.”
Faith“Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.”
Home“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
Failure“Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.”
Food