“The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.”
Family“There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.”
Funny“The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.”
Family“I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.”
Love“Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.”
Music“Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.'”
Success“Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.”
Work“The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.”
Future“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.”
Education“My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.”
Parenting“I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior.”
Men“Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”
Love“Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.”
Marriage“There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.”
Funny“Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.”
Best“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
Funny“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”
Funny“I cannot understand how the education of this United States of America has been fooled time and time again. Either make it separate but equal or integrate, therefore it will be equal. And it has been separate and unequal.”
Education“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.”
Humor“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
Failure“Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.”
Women“Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.”
Hope