“Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”
Love“I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.”
Love“Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”
Love“My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.”
Parenting“Gray hair is God's graffiti.”
God“Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.”
Men“Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.”
Hope“The heart of marriage is memories and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.”
Anniversary“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
Parenting“Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.”
Age“Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.'”
Success“Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.”
Marriage“A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.”
Funny“Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.”
Music“The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.”
Future“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.”
Humor“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
Failure“I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.”
Love“There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.”
Funny“The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.”
Future“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.”
Education“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”
Funny