“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
Parenting“Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.”
Work“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
Parenting“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
Funny“The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.”
Future“Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.”
Business“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”
Failure“I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Good“The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.”
Future“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”
Humor“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.”
Humor“Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.”
Best“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
Failure“There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.”
Funny“Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.”
Food“Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.”
Hope“A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.”
Funny“Gray hair is God's graffiti.”
God“Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.”
Men“Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.”
Home“Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.”
Music“I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior.”
Men