“To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.”
God
“Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.”
TimeAll Quotes by Woody Allen
“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”
Funny“Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.”
Time“On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .”
Death“If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.”
Funny“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”
Death“Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.”
Nature“I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”
Change“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.”
God“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.”
Education“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”
Success“I am two with nature.”
Nature“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
God“His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.”
Education“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”
Work“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.”
God“Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.”
Food“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”
Government“It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.”
Death“Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.”
Life