“Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.”
Nature
“Marriage is the death of hope.”
DeathAll Quotes by Woody Allen
“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
Funny“As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.”
God“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”
Success“Marriage is the death of hope.”
Death“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”
Death“I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.”
Peace“Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.”
Life“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”
Thankful“I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”
Good“If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.”
Failure“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
Art“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.”
Education“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”
Funny“Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.”
Money“His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.”
Education“If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.”
Movies“It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.”
Death“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”
Government“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.”
God