“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”
Work
“On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .”
DeathAll Quotes by Woody Allen
“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”
Thankful“If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.”
Failure“It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.”
Death“Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.”
Home“On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .”
Death“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”
Experience“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
Funny“Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.”
Food“Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.”
Money“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.”
Food“If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.”
Movies“I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.”
Funny“I am two with nature.”
Nature“I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.”
Car“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
Art“Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.”
Money“Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.”
Nature“It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.”
Good“I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”
Change