“Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.”
Food
“If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.”
FunnyAll Quotes by Woody Allen
“Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.”
Life“Marriage is the death of hope.”
Death“The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.”
Food“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”
Thankful“I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.”
Funny“To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.”
God“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
Art“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”
Success“Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.”
Home“His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.”
Education“If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.”
Failure“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”
Work“Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.”
Nature“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”
Government“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”
Experience“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.”
Food“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
Funny“It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.”
Death“If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.”
Funny