“If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.”
Movies
“I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.”
CarAll Quotes by Woody Allen
“I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.”
Car“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”
Death“On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .”
Death“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”
Work“I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”
Good“Marriage is the death of hope.”
Death“As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.”
God“Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.”
Nature“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”
Government“Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.”
Money“If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.”
Funny“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.”
Education“I am two with nature.”
Nature“I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.”
Peace“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.”
Food“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.”
God“Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.”
Time“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”
Funny“I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
Death