“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Life“We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?”
Business“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Life“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.”
Experience“Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.”
War“I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.”
Funny“If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.”
Business“There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”
Government“People are getting smarter nowadays they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.”
Legal“Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.”
Money“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
Government“I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”
Funny“The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.”
Politics“Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.”
Finance“Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.”
Best“The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.”
Business“It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.”
Government“You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.”
War“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”
Money“The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.”
Education“Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.”
Government“Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.”
Legal