“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”
Age“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Death“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”
Age“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”
Love“Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.”
Education“It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.”
Business“Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.”
Marriage“I've never let my school interfere with my education.”
Education“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”
Truth“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”
Government“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
Life“Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.”
Death“It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”
Good“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.”
Patriotism“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
Great“Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
Time“The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.”
Society“Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”
God“Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.”
Hope“Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.”
Truth“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”
Great“Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”
Education