“Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.”
Time“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?”
Funny“Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.”
Time“Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.”
Funny“No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby.”
Great“The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.”
Failure“Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.”
Love“The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.”
Money“Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.”
Love“We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”
Religion“Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered there is only error to be exposed.”
Truth“The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.”
Age“Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies.”
Religion“All government, of course, is against liberty.”
Government“Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.”
Good“On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
Great“Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body.”
Work“Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it.”
Love“If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.”
Good“We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine.”
Knowledge“Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.”
Art“In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.”
Politics