“The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.”
Communication
“I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.”
ComputersAll Quotes by Dave Barry
“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.”
Funny“I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.”
Sad“The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.”
Age“Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.”
Saintpatricksday“We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.”
Patriotism“Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.”
Car“I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.”
War“The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.”
Computers“Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.”
Business“Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.”
Teen“To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.”
Teen“The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.”
Science“The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.”
Trust“What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.”
Death“The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.”
Sports“Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.”
Technology“I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.”
Computers“Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.”
Men“I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.”
Car