“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.”
Death
“The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.”
CommunicationAll Quotes by Dave Barry
“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”
Food“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”
Business“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”
Life“Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.”
Men“Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.”
Religion“Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.”
Teen“The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.”
Funny“To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.”
Teen“The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.”
Computers“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”
Time“I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.”
Car“The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.”
Trust“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.”
Car“I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.”
Sad“Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.”
Sports“As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.”
Fear“Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.”
Business“The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.”
Science“The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.”
Sports