“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.”
Funny
“To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.”
TeenAll Quotes by Dave Barry
“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”
Food“As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.”
Fear“The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.”
Communication“Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.”
Relationship“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”
Time“Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.”
Car“We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.”
Patriotism“The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.”
Cool“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.”
Death“To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.”
Teen“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.”
Car“It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.”
Art“I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.”
Computers“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”
Life“The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.”
Religion“Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.”
Business“What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.”
Death“The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.”
Age“Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.”
Teen