“The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.”
Religion
“The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.”
CoolAll Quotes by Dave Barry
“It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.”
Travel“The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.”
Computers“What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.”
Death“I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.”
Sad“I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.”
War“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”
Time“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.”
Car“I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.”
Computers“Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.”
Car“It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.”
Art“The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.”
Cool“Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.”
Saintpatricksday“Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.”
Technology“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”
Food“Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.”
Sports“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”
Life“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”
Business“The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.”
Science“We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.”
Patriotism