“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.”
Death
“The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.”
TrustAll Quotes by Dave Barry
“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”
Life“The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.”
Communication“Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.”
Technology“Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.”
Relationship“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”
Food“The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.”
Sports“Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.”
Religion“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.”
Age“Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.”
Teen“The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.”
Science“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”
Business“The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.”
Cool“It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.”
Travel“I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.”
Car“It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.”
Art“Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.”
Car“The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.”
Age“I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.”
Good“The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.”
Religion