“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.”
Age
“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”
BusinessAll Quotes by Dave Barry
“I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.”
Car“The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.”
Science“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”
Business“The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.”
Age“I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.”
Good“I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.”
Sad“What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.”
Death“It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.”
Art“Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.”
Technology“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”
Food“The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.”
Funny“The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.”
Cool“The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.”
Computers“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.”
Death“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”
Life“The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.”
Trust“The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.”
Religion“Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.”
Relationship“As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.”
Fear