Random Famous Quotes

"A bird in hand is worth two in the bush." - Cervantes
"Money is like an arm or leg: use it or lose it." - Henry Ford
"Sherman, set the Way-Back Machine for 1492!" - Mr. Peabody
"The hardest work is being idle." - Jewish proverb
"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith." - Albert Einstein
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else." - W. Rogers
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." - Voltaire
"Wake up! Time to die!" - Blade Runner
"Lucky? Luuuuuuuuucky! Here, boy! C"Mere! Luuuuuucky!" - Alf
"You've always made the mistake of being yourself." - Eugene Ionesco
"If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys." - James Goldsmith
"Don't get the idea that I'm knocking the American system." - Al Capone
"Parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth." - Peter Ustinov
"Diplomacy is using your head without anyone suspecting it." - Unknown
"It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things." - Unknown
"Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you." - Nelson Algren
"Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts." - H. H. Munro, 'saki"
"I never agree with Communists or any other kind of kept men." - H. L. Mencken
"Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it." - Horace
"When the toilets flow, it makes the plumber my favorite person." - Ryan Gale
"Between two evils, I always try the one I never tried before." - Mae West
"If you want to look young & thin, hang around old fat people." - Jim Eason
"Men who never get carried away should be." - Malcolm Forbes
"Anything anybody can say about America is true." - Emmett Grogan
"Ambition, idly vain; revenge and malice swell her train." - Penrose
"Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody." - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it." - Cicero
"I like a man who grins when he fights." - Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"People will buy anything that's one to a customer." - Lewis' Law
"In the long run, we are all dead." - John Maynard Keynes (1883-1946)
"I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone." - Steven Wright
"I have nothing to hide." - Richard Nixon
"Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better." - Albert Camus
"Trapped, like a trap in a trap." - Dorothy Parker
"Forgive and forget." - Cervantes
"Never invoke Anyone you can't banish." - Unknown
"Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable." - Plato
"We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes." - Thoreau
"The savage in man is never quite eradicated." - Henry David Thoreau
"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally." - W.C. Fields
"He who can suppress a moments anger may prevent a day of sorrow." - T. Edwards
"Words must be weighed, not counted." - Unknown
"Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work." - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"I knew her before she was a virgin." - Oscar Levant, of Doris Day
"It's a poor workman who blames his tools." - Unknown
"There is nothing new in art except talent." - Anton Chekhov
"After three days, fish and guests stink." - John Lyly
"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." - Henry David Thoreau
"Action is eloquence." - Shakespeare
"God made the integers; all else is the work of Man." - Leopold Kronecker
"No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach." - William Cowper
"He must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil." - Shakespeare
"What is an adult? A child blown up by age." - Simone de Beauvoir
"The love of evil is the root of all money." - unknown
"I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just." - Thomas Jefferson
"Death is just a distant rumor to the young." - Andy Rooney
"Her tears her only eloquence." - Rogers
"Love is a matter of chemistry, Sex is a matter of physics." - Mark's Mark
"Let there be spaces in your togetherness." - Kahlil Gibran
"Tell me what you are busy about, and I will tell you what you are." - Goethe
"The only abnormality is the incapacity to love." - Anais Nin
"Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth." - Unknown
"Don't steal - the IRS hates competition." - Unknown
"The real world is a special case." - Horngren's Observation (Generalized)
"Power corrupts - isn't that what it's for?" - Unknown
"The flush toilet is the basis of western civilization." - Alan Coult
"Don't eat yellow snow." - W. P. Kinsela
"Noncombatant, n.: A dead Quaker." - Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary
"Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men's blood." - D.B. Hudson
"Rush Limbaugh stole my whole act." - Howard Stern
"For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill." - Richard Clopton
"I was a freethinker before I knew how to think." - George Bernard Shaw
"Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy." - Lazarus Long
"He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches." - George Bernard Shaw
"God knows. Or guesses." - Unknown
"A man can't be too careful in his choice of enemies. - Oscar Wilde
"In a painting I want to say something comforting." - Vincent van Gogh
"Cogito, Ergo Spud: I think, therefore I yam." - Unknown
"No man who is in a hurry is quite civilized." - Will and Ariel Durant
"The world is governed by opinion." - Thomas Hobbes
"Licker talks mighty loud when it gets loose fum de jug." - Joel C. Harris
"Be careless in your dress if you must, be keep a tidy soul." - Mark Twain
"All cruelty springs from weakness." - Seneca
"It is much more secure to be feared than to be loved." - Niccolo Machiavelli
"True friendship is a plant of slow growth." - George Washington
"Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." - Edison
"Toots Shors' restaurant is so crowded nobody goes there anymore." - Yogi Berra
"Sleep is an eight-hour peep show of infantile erotica." - J. G. Ballard
"Civilization and profits go hand in hand." - Calvin Coolidge
"Every reign must submit to a greater reign." - Seneca
"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark." - Howard Ruff
"Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling." - Unknown
"Nothing is more common than a fool with a strong memory." - Unknown
"When the proper man does nothing, his thought is felt 10,000 miles." - Tse
"Let him turn and twist slowly in the wind." - John Ehrlichman
"No epigram contains the whole truth." - C. W. Thompson
"There are no answers, only cross references." - Weiner's Law of Libraries
"Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Cunning and treachery are the offspring of incapacity." - La Rochefoucauld
"Everything beautiful has its moment and then passes away." - Luis Cernuda
"The rich are the scum of the earth in every country." - G. K. Chesterton
"To seek permission is to seek denial." - Steve Jobs
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds." - Mark Twain and/or Bill Nye
"We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it." - Eisenhower
"When in doubt, tell the truth." - Mark Twain
"Majority, n.: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law." - Unknown
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Walt Kelly in "POGO"
"Small may be beautiful, but big has the grandeur of size." - Unknown
"A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way." - Tudor
"He has half the deed done who has made a beginning." - Horace
"Error 96: Dead mouse in hard drive." - Unpublished Error Codes
"To refuse praise is to seek praise twice." - Unknown
"You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war." - Albert Einstein
"Virtue is like a rich stone, best plain set." - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
"Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing." - James Thurber
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - J. Danforth Quayle
"In business, price increases as service declines." - James L. Davis
"Fish and visitors stink in three days." - Poor Richard's Almanac
"Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others." - Benjamin Franklin
"He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike." - Shakespeare
"To fall into a habit is to begin to cease to be." - Miguel de Unamuno
"It is never too late to give up your prejudices." - Henry David Thoreau
"Heresy is only another word for freedom of thought." - Graham Greene
"If things were left to chance, they'd be better." - Langin's Law
"Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed." - Thomas Henry Huxley
"Very few people can afford to be poor." - George Bernard Shaw
"Every hero becomes a bore at last." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
"We compound our suffering by victimizing each other." - Athol Fugard
"An education obtained with money is worse than no education at all. - Socrates
"To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage." - Confucius
"College isn't the place to go for ideas." - Hellen Keller
"Man is star-stuff that has taken over it's own destiny." - Carl Sagan
"Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!" - W. C. Fields
"A primitive artist is an amateur whose work sells." - Grandma Moses
"Lack of money is the root of all evil." - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"Get your facts first, then you can distort 'em as you please." - Mark Twain
"What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?" - Peter S. Beagle
"Come not between the dragon and his wrath."- Shakespeare, "King Lear"
"No being wonders at his own existence except man." - Arthur Schopenhauer
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." - JFK
"He whose face gives no light shall never become a star." - William Blake
"All law is codified revenge." - Unknown
"Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is Genius." - George Bernard Shaw
"Monday, n.: The day that follows two days of rain" - Unknown
"There are more old drunkards than old doctors." - Unknown
"Let your conscience be your guide." - Alexander Pope
"All general statements are false." - The Ultimate Law
"Ninety percent of everything is crap." - Theodore Sturgeon
"You'll never get to the top by sitting on your bottom." - Unknown
"Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies." - Nietzsche
"I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world." - Socrates
"A used key is always bright." - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
"Man is what he believes." - Anton Chekhov
"The ignorant man always adores what he cannot understand." - Cesare Lombroso
"Superstition is a religion of feeble minds." - Edmund Burke
"The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive." - Unknown
"Suicide is cheating the doctors out of a job." - Billings
"If no one uses something, it isn't needed." - Robert Sommer
"Always the gods give small things to the small." - Callimachus
"A witty saying proves nothing." - Voltaire (1694-1778)
"I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose." - S.I. Hayakawa
"Everything put together sooner or later falls apart." - Paul Simon
"We will either find a way... or make one." - Hannibal
"History is the short trudge from Adam to atom." - Leonard Louis Levinson
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow." - Twain
"Never confuse motion with action." - Benjamin Franklin
"Discretion is the better part of valor." - William Shakespeare
"Profanity is the language that all programmers know best." - Unknown
"Nothing fails like success." - Gerald Nachman
"I will roar, that it will do any man's heart good to hear me." - Shakespeare
"Weed, n.: A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." - Emerson
"Gods are born and die, but the atom endures." - Alexander Chase
"An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played Carnegie Hall." - Oscar Levant
"The great masses will more easily fall victims to The Big Lie". - Hitler
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." - Napoleon
"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature." - Kin Hubbard
"To be great is to be misunderstood." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
"A child miseducated is a child lost." - John F. Kennedy
"Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up." - Wilson Mizner
"If you are afraid of loneliness, don't ever get married." - Anton Chekhov
"He who awaits much can expect little." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
"All things are only transitory." - Göethe
"Noncombatant", n.: A dead Quaker. - Ambrose Bierce
"An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts." - John Junor
"Everything depends." - Langsam's Law
"Silence, along with modesty, is a great aid to conversation." - Montaigne
"The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere." - Ann Morrow Lindbergh
"We are what we pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
"The gods too are fond of a joke." - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"Almost anything is easier to get into than out of." - Allen's Law
"Modesty is of no use to a beggar." - Homer
"The true statesman is the one who is willing to take risks." - de Gaulle
"Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them." - Finagle's Sixth Rule
"Beam me up, Scotty - it ate my phaser." - The Lost Star Trek Tapes
"No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend." - Groucho
"Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry." - Henry Ward Beecher
"He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit." - Unknown
"Thus conscience does make cowards of us all - Shakespeare, "Hamlet"
"The ways of the Almighty are marvelously predictable." - Unknown
"Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all." - Unknown
"A bird in hand is worth two in the bush." - Cervantes
"Projecting empaths - you gotta feel sorry for them." - Unknown
"On alcohol: four is one more than more than enough." - Jim Pastore
"I never tell a lie unless it's absolutely convenient." - Benny Hill
"Bad laws are the worst sort of tyranny." - Edmund Burke
"Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form." - Karl Marx
"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist." - Mark Twain
"What do I do for exercise? I stumble and then I fall down. - Oscar Levant
"Even a good horse can only wear one saddle." - Unknown
"Argument is the worst sort of conversation." - Jonathan Swift
"Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip." - Charles D. Hartman
"If it doesn't work, turn it off, then turn it back on." - McKay's Second Law
"You can fool too many of the people too much of the time." - James Thurber
"Man's horizons are bounded by his vision." - Unknown
"Peace may cost as much as war, but it is a better buy." - Unknown
"There is no proverb that is not true." - Cervantes
"At 50 everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell (1903-1950)
"Celibacy is not hereditary." - Guy Goden
"Even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea. - Charles Swinburne
"It takes two to speak the truthone to speak and another to hear." - Thoreau
"Incoming fire has the right of way." - Murphy's Military Law #8
"Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven." - John Milton
"The greatness of work is inside man." - Pope John Paul II
"Other people's tools work only in other people's yards." - Jane Bryant
"I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?" - Benjamin Disraeli
"To know the world one must construct it." - Cesare Pavese
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell." - Aldous Huxley
"In principle I am against principles." - Tristan Tzara
"Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life." - E. Hoffer
"PAS - Print And Smear" - The Unpublished Assembly Mnemonics #379.4
"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - "Hamlet"
"In case of doubt, make it sound convincing." - Finagle's Fourth Rule
"DOS is user-indifferent; UNIX is user-hostile." - Unknown
"Now that I'm over sixty I'm veering toward respectability." - Shelley Winters
"The Tao which can be understood is not the true Tao." - Unknown
"A liar needs a good memory." - Quintilian
"I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way." - Twain
"Would you do it for a Scooby snack?" - Shaggy
"Some people stay longer in an hour than others do in a month." - Howells
"Who will protect the public when the police violate the law?" - Ramsey Clark
"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?" - Unknown
"A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs." - Unknown
"The concrete world has slipped through the scientific net." - A. Whitehead
"A stitch in time saves nine." - Alexander Pope
"When the going gets tough, everybody leaves." - Lynch's Law
"False modesty is better than none." - Vilhjalmur Stefansson
"Everything in the universe is packaging, big toys, or meat." - Unknown
"Every year we pass the anniversary of our death." - B. Banzai
"Question authority, but raise your hand first." - Unknown
"Behind every argument is someone's ignorance." - Unknown
"Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly." - Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Many would be cowards if they had courage enough." - Thomas Fuller
"Avoid running at all times." - Satchel Paige
"Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget." - Cheops Law
"The wages of sin are unreported." - Unknown
"Nothing is so firmly believed as that which is least known." - F. Jeffrey
"Ignorance is the mother of admiration." - George Chapman
"I decline to accept the end of man." - William Faulkner
"What's a thousand dollars? Mere chicken feed. A Poultry' matter." - Groucho
"'Literature' are books taught after the author is dead." - Unknown
"The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it's the opposition." - Unknown
"Chocolate is the universe's way of apologizing for entropy." - Unknown
"If a man owns land, the land owns him." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"He hasn't one redeeming vice." - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Virtue is its own revenge." - E. Y. Harburg
"Parting is such sweet sorrow." - Shakespeare, "Romeo & Juliet"
"The most delicate component will be dropped." - Rosenfield's Regret
"Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads." - Henry David Thoreau
"All warfare is based on deception." - Sun Tzu Wu
"If you're not confused you're not paying attention." - Wall Street Week
"Sometimes silence has the loudest voice." - Unknown
"You can observe a lot by just watching." - Berra's Law
"If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?" - Art Hoppe
"Print is the sharpest and the strongest weapon of our party." - Joseph Stalin
"Men, like bullets, go farthest when they are smoothest." - Jean Paul Richter
"A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist." - Unknown
"AGB - Add Garbage" - The Unpublished Assembly Mnemonics #479
"Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them." - Ingersoll
"The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries." - Nora Ephron
"He who laughs, lasts." - Mary Pettibone Poole (c. 1938)
"Breed is stronger than pasture." - George Eliot
"Men willingly believe what they wish." - Julius Caesar
"Indifference is the only sure defence." - Jody Powell
"You see me as an Atheist. God sees me as the loyal opposition." - Woody Allen
"Computing is interacting with the other victims." - Unknown
"Go, and never darken my towels again." - Groucho Marx
"If at first you do succeed, try something harder." - Unknown
"A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for." - W. C. Fields
"The measure of man is what he does with power." - Pittacus
"If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break." - Schmidt's Law
"If you would know the value of money try to borrow some." - Benjamin Franklin
"We always weaken whatever we exaggerate. - Jean Francois de Laharpe
"We forgive once we give up attachment to our wounds." - Lewis Hyde
"Let not the sands of time get in your lunch." - Unknown
"Never believe anything until it has been officially denied." - Claud Cockburn
"He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals." - Unknown
"Time is the only critic without ambition." - John Steinbeck
"No man is rich enough to buy back his past." - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Machines should work. People should think." - IBM Pollyanna Principle
"Call on God, but row away from the rocks." - Indian proverb
"Every age is modern to those who are living in it." - Benjamin N. Cardozo
"Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion." - Unknown
"Put more trust in nobility of character than in an oath." - Solon
"Impropriety is the soul of wit." - Somerset Maugham
"To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about." - John Waters
"The chief cause of problems is solutions." - Sevareid's Law
"Originality is nothing but judicious imitation." - Voltaire
"Reality is always more conservative than ideology." - Raymond Aron
"To teach is to learn." - Japanese Proverb
"Only a mediocre person is always at his best." - Somerset Maugham
"Nothing ever goes away." - Barry Commoner's Second Law of Ecology
"Take care of the discord and the chaos will take care of itself." - Unknown
"I'd advise youse to keep dialin', Krako." - Spock
"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open." - Lord Dewar
"When women go wrong, men go right after them." - Mae West
"The little I know I owe to my ignorance." - Sacha Guitry
"Creditors have much better memories than debtors." - Unknown
"Only the shallow know themselves." - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Adversity's sweet milk, philosophy. - Shakespeare
"I see no wisdom in saving up indignation for a rainy day." - Heywood Broun
"When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad I'm better." - Mae West
"We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him." - Napoleon Bonaparte
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth." - Erma Bombeck
"Never eat prunes when you are famished." - Unknown
"Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote." - George Nathan
"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark." - Unknown
"If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. - Graham Summer
"We must look to the future with nostalgia." - Mayor Richard P. Daley
"Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?'" - Unknown
"A man is not old as long as he is seeking something. - Jean Rostand
"He who is conceived in a cage yearns for the cage." - Yevgeny Yevtushenko
"No job is too small to screw up!" - Unknown
"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty." - Sacha Guitry
"I never know how much of what I say is true." - Bette Midler
"Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical." - Yogi Berra
"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly." - Unknown
"Murphy was an optimist." - O'Toole's Commentary
"Is it weird in here, or is it just me?" - Steven Wright
"Keep a stiff upper chin." - Samuel Goldwyn
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." - Winston Churchill
"Never face facts; if you do you'll never get up in the morning." - Unknown
"I bought some powdered water. But I don't know what to add." - Steven Wright
"I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket." - LBJ
"When all else fails, read the instructions (RTFM!)." - Cann's Axiom
"We think in generalities, but we live in detail." - Alfred North Whitehead
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." - Phyllis Diller
"In war there is no substitute for victory." - General Douglas MacArthur
"What you dislike in another, take care to correct in yourself." - Thomas Sprat
"Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home." - John Howard Payne
"Youth is the trustee of posterity." - Benjamin Disraeli
"END - Employ Neutralizer Device" - The Unpublished Assembly Mnemonics #666
"If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads." - Anatole France
"The worst of madmen is a saint run mad." - Alexander Pope
"Comment is free, but facts are sacred." - C. P. Scott
"There is nothing permanent except change." - Heraclitus
"I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member." - Groucho Marx
"He who is sorry for having sinned is almost innocent." - Seneca
"Mustard's no good without roast beef." Chico Marx
"There is a foolish corner in the brain of the wisest man." - Aristotle
"Voters quickly forget what a man says." - Richard M. Nixon
"It's hard to remain true to a changing self." - Unknown
"Conscience doth make cowards of us all." - William Shakespeare
"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde
"The writer is the engineer of the human soul." - Joseph Stalin
"Fish and guests smell in three days." - Benjamin Franklin
"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers." - T. S. Eliot
"We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us." - Winston Churchill
"There are no atheists in the foxholes." - William Thomas Cummings
"Necessity has no law; I know some Lawyers of the same." - Benjamin Franklin
"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules." - George Bernard Shaw
"Backward ran sentences until reeled the mind." - Wolcott Gibbs
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." - Aldous Huxley
"You're only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough." - J. Lewis
"Assassination has never changed the history of the world." - Disreali
"Always do what you are afraid to do." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
"Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art." - Susan Sontag
"Good taste is the worst vice ever invented." - Dame Edith Sitwell (1887-1964)
"If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing." - K. Amis
"Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite." - Lazarus Long
"The dead man does not make a good travelling companion." - Unknown
"Death: To stop sinning suddenly." - Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary
"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think." - Unknown
"It is a bad plan that admits of no modification." - Publilius Syrus
"History books which contain no lies are extremely dull." - Unknown
"Work is more fun than fun." - Noel Coward (1899-1973)
"Unrecognized faults lead to wasted efforts" - Joanot Martorell
"Assassination is the extreme form of censorship." - George Bernard Shaw
"No man is useless. He can always serve as a bad example." - unknown
"Doing a thing well is often a waste of time." - Robert Byrne
"Damnable, both sides rogue." - Shakespeare
"Peace rules the day, where reason rules the mind." - William Collins
"What is the sound of one tentacle writhing?" - Unknown
"Even a hawk is an eagle among crows." - Unknown
"A problem is an opportunity in work clothes. - Henry J. Kaiser, Jr.
"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity." - Unknown
"There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy." - Johnathon Swift
"Too clever is dumb." - Ogden Nash
"When we hang the capitalists they will sell us the rope we use." - Stalin
"What luck for rulers that men do not think." - Adolf Hitler
"Preserve the old, but know the new." - Unknown
"Observation, not old age, brings wisdom." - Publicus Syrus
"Cogito, ergo sum: I think, therefore I am." - Rene Descartes
"Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable." - Samuel Johnson
"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"We are all born mad. Some remain so." - Samuel Beckett
"Trifles make perfection and perfection is no trifle." - Michelangelo
"You're a good example of why some animals eat their young." - Jim Samuels
"Inactivity is death." - Benito Mussolini
"As usual, your information stinks." - Frank Sinatra to Time magazine
"Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish." - Albert Einstein
"Washington is a city of southern efficiency and northern charm." - JFK
"Silence is better than unmeaning words." - Pythagoras
"God gives guidance to those who can find it from no one else." - Beowulf
"To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job." - Simone de Beauvoir
"All American cars are basically Chevrolets." - Herb Caen
"I used to get high on life, but I've built up a tolerance." - Unknown
"This is either a forgery or a damn clever original!" - Frank Sullivan
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." - William Blake
"Practice is the best of all instructors." - Publilius Syrus
"The function of the artist is to provide what life does not." - Unknown
"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out." - Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980)
"It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night." - W. Sutton
"Furious activity is no substitute for understanding." - H. H. Williams
"Inside every large program is a small one struggling to get out." - Unknown
"Time is three eyes and eight elbows." - Dogen Zenji
"In economics, the majority is always wrong." - John Kenneth Galbraith
"Clothe an idea in words and it loses its freedom of movement." - Friedell
"I'm always easy. I'm NEVER cheap!!!" - Dick Munroe
"Death tugs at my ear and says: "Live, I am coming." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" - Charlie McCarthy
"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." - Florynce Kennedy
"Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap." - Unknown
"Design flaws travel in groups." - Unknown
"Liars ought to have good memories." - Algernon Sidney
"In short, your job is to find trouble, and then shoot it." - Unknown
"Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work." - The Unapplicable Law
"One man with courage is a majority." - Thomas Jefferson
"Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing." - Billy Rose
"I don't have any trouble parking. I drive a forklift." - Jim Samuels
"Pure drivel tends to drive out ordinary drivel." - Kitman's Law
"To conquer without risk is to triumph without glory." - Pierre Corneille
"Writing is turning one's worst moments into money." - J.P. Donleavy
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." - Samuel Johnson
"Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands." - Jayne Mansfield
"Neurosis seems to be a human privilege." - Sigmund Freud
"I know she's alive. I saw her lip curl." - Jules Feiffer
"When you're through changing, you're through." - Bruce Barton
"Rally, we create nothing. We merely plagiarize nature." - Jean Baitaillon
"In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant." - Will Durst
"God forgives us... Who am I not to forgive?" - Alan Paton
"There are more horse's asses than horses." - Soderquist's Paradox
"Anyone can hate. It costs to love." - John Williamson
"It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees!" - E. Zapata
"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow." - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies." - A. Calwell
"When you are 8 years old, nothing is any of your business." - Lenny Bruce
"Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything." - Aesop
"I have often regretted my speech, never my silence." - Publilius Syrus
"If we don't know life, how can we know death?" - Confucius
"I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest." - Unknown
"Dare to be naive." - Richard Buckminster Fuller
"The unnatural, that too is natural." - Goethe
"Strange times call for strange heroes." - Unknown
"When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece." - John Ruskin
"Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea." - Unknown
"Hindsight is always 20:20." - Billy Wilder
"Big Brother Is Watching You" - George Orwell (1903-1950): 1984
"The more things change, the more they remain the same." - Alphonse Karr
"Wit sometimes enables us to act rudely with impunity." - F. Rochefoucauld
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
"Speech is a mirror of the soul: as a man speaks, so he is." - Publilius Syrus
"I never met a man I didn't like." - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"Man is the only animal that blushes... or needs to." - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"Ability is nothing without opportunity. - Napoleon
"If nobody uses it, there's a reason." - Unknown
"Bad artists always admire each other's work." - Oscar Wilde
"TV is called a medium because anything good on it is rare." - Fred Allen
"Some men are discovered; others are found out." - Unknown
"Half the people in America are faking it." - Robert Mitchum
"Our faults irritate us most when we see them in others." - Dutch proverb
"To light a candle is to cast a shadow." - Ursula K. Le Guin
"Oh, no. Not another learning experience." - Unknown
"A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience." - Cervantes
"It is the weak man who urges compromise - never the strong man." - E. Hubbard
"The medium is the message." - Marshall McLuhan
"In every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty." - Thomas Jefferson
"Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on." - Henry Burton
"Laws were made to be broken." - Christopher North
"The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers." - R. W. Hamming
"Experience... is simply the name we give our mistakes." - Oscar Wilde
"No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself." - Thomas Mann
"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated." - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"Quantum physics predicts the past with 80% accuracy." - Unknown
"If you can give your son only one gift, let it be enthusiasm." - Bruce Barton
"I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation." - George Bernard Shaw
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." - Lao Tsze
"Death is nature's warning to slow down." - Unknown
"Sex is dirty only when it's done right." - Woody Allen
"Outlaw organized crime - Abolish the IRS!" - Unknown
"Beware of Greeks bearing gifts." - Virgil
"Even lawmakers are subject to the laws of physics." - Unknown
"A yawn is a silent shout. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You do not believe your first Pygmy when you see him." - Negley Farson
"Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy blue-green meat is bad for you." - Unknown
"Tact, n.: The unsaid part of what you're thinking." - Unknown
"Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry." - Robert E. Schenk
"Yes, a Porsche does do 0 to 60 in 8 seconds, but not at rush hour." - Unknown
"When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers." - Oscar Wilde
"Turn the other cheek." - Jesus Christ
"The heart has its prisons that intelligence cannot unlock." - Jouhandeau
"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Children have more need of models than of critics." - Joseph Joubert
"Aerobics: the art of heavy breathing." - A.B.E
"The greatest productive force is human selfishness." - Unknown
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." - Harry S. Truman
"Secrecy begets tyranny." - Robert A. Heinlein
"Advice is free; the right answer will cost you!" - Unknown
"Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art." - George Perkins Marsh
"White hair is not a sign of wisdom, only age." - Greek proverb
"Victory is will." - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
"No bounds his headlong, vast ambition knows." - Rowe
"Getting caught is the mother of invention." - Unknown
"If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done." - Unknown
"Politics is the doctrine of the possible, the attainable." - Otto von Bismark,
"One who is not wise himself cannot be well advised." - Machiavelli
"To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk." - Edison
"Everything bows to success, even grammar." - Unknown
"Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you." - Unknown
"All which is forgotten need not necessarily be dead." - H.P.Lovecraft
"Don't bother to agree with me - I've already changed my mind!" - Graffiti
"I'll be with you in half a mho, said the electrician. - Alan F. G. Lewis
"Is he who opens the door and he who closes it the same being?" - Bachelard
"Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!!" - Unknown
"Time is what we want most, but alas, what we use worst." - William Penn
"I would have voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964." - Ronald Reagan
"The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems." - R. Levian
"Ban the bomb - save the world for conventional warfare." - Unknown
"He who has the gold, makes the rules." - The Golden rule
"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand." - Benny Hill
"When you have nothing to say, say nothing." - Charles Caleb Colton
"I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not too sure." - Graffiti
"It is easier to run down a hill than up one." - Unknown
"It is sometimes expedient to forget who we are." - Publilius Syrus
"It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder." - Unknown
"The scalded cat fears even cold water." - Thomas Fuller
"Just when you think it's finally settled, it isn't." - Solomon Short
"It's a good thing for an educated man to read quotations." - Churchill
"God help those who do not help themselves." - Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
"If you become a star, you don't change, everyone else does." - Kirk Douglas
"The mere absence of war is not peace." - John F. Kennedy
"Any product cut to length will be too short." - Klipstein's Observation
"Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke." - Hermann Hesse
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." - James Thurber
"That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest." - Henry David Thoreau
"Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of." - Unknown
"The Show-off is always shown up in a showdown." - Fortune cookie.
"Today is the first day of the rest of your sentence." - Unknown
"Everybody's playing the game, but nobody's rules are the same." - Unknown
"You can't achieve the impossible until you attempt the absurd." - Unknown
"Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish." - Euripides
"A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! - Shakespeare, "King Richard III"
"Although our information is incorrect, we do not vouch for it." - Satie
"Nothing succeeds like success." - Alexandre Dumas, Pere
"He who boasts of his descent praises the deeds of another." - Seneca
"If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal." - Unknown
"Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to cooperate." - Margaret Mead
"If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
"It is human nature to think wisely & act foolishly." - Anatole France
"My God! It's full of stars!" - Dave Bowman: "2001: A Space Odyssey"
"Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled." - Horace
"You smash it, and I'll build around it." - John Lennon
"I cannot believe God plays dice with the cosmos." - Albert Einstein
"Stop crime at its source! Support Planned Parenthood." - Unknown
"You don't have to explain something you never said." - Calvin Coolidge
"When morals triumph, many very evil things happen." - Unknown
"If I had any humility I would be perfect." - Ted Turner
"Everybody is somebody else's weirdo." - Dykstra
"Self-love is the greatest of flatterers. - La Rochefoucauld
"Its body brevity, and wit its soul." - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"Man who stumble over same rock twice, deserve to break neck." - Chin. Proverb
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." - Einstein
"I am a deeply superficial person." - Andy Warhol (1928-1987)
"The past is the only dead thing that smells sweet." - Cyril Connolly
"Ah, the insight of hindsight." - Thurston N. Davis
"In the end, everything is a gag." - Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)
"When ideas fail, words come in very handy." - Goethe
"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." - Newton
"War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it." - D. Erasmus
"Never replicate a successful experiment." - Fett's Law
"Walk softly and carry a +6 two-handed long sword." - RPG rule of survival
"There is more to life than increasing its speed." - Mahatma Gandhi
"Never play leapfrog with a unicorn." - Unknown
"He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help." - Abraham Lincoln
"Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice." - Foghorn Leghorn
"Our policy is: When in doubt, do the right thing." - Roy L. Ash
"Be happy. It is a way of being wise." - Colette
"To do nothing is also a good remedy." - Hippocrates
"When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion." - Ethiopian proverb
"Do well and you will have no need of ancestors." - Voltaire
"One crime is concealed by the commission of another." - Seneca
"Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side." - Archie Bunker
"Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." - Don Marquis
"Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin." - Anatole France
"Don't talk unless you can improve the silence." - Laurence Coughlin
"I'll shut up about it if you will." - Paul McCartney, 1967 (re: LSD)
"I wish Sinatra would just shut up and sing. - Lauren Bacall
"Walk softly and carry a big stick." - Theodore Roosevelt
"Where ever you go, there you are." - Unknown
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." - Lily Tomlin
"Audacity, and again audacity, and always audacity." - Georges Jacques Danton
"Printing should be invisible." - Beatrice Warde
"The atomic age is here to stay - but are we?" - Bennett Cerf
"It is fun being in the same decade with you." - FDR to Churchill, 1942
"An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance." - Peter's Placebo
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
"You may already be a loser." - Form letter received by Rodney Dangerfield
"Love built on beauty, soon as beauty dies." - John Donne
"The ballot is stronger than the bullet." - Abraham Lincoln
"Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in." - Evan Davis
"You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever." - Unknown
"An exception TESTS a rule; it NEVER proves it." - Edmund C. Berkeley
"The secret of education is respecting the pupil." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes." - Frank Lloyd Wright
"Youth is a period of missed opportunities." - Cyril Connolly
"Imagination is as good as many voyages, and how much cheaper." - George Curtis
"Men have become the tools of their tools." - Henry David Thoreau
"Call no man unhappy until he is married." - Socrates
"Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples' habits." - Mark Twain
"There is no such thing as a functional illiterate." - Unknown
"Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler." - Albert Einstein
"A conspiracy of silence speaks louder than words." - Dr. Winston O'Boogie
"Every exit is an entry somewhere else." - Tom Stoppard
"Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess." - Oscar Wilde
"Common sense is not so common." - Voltaire
"He who hesitates is a damned fool." - Mae West
"Money is like manuregood only when spread around." - Carl Sandburg
"There are no second acts in American lives." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
"If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job." - M. Forbes
"Beauty times brains equals a constant." - Beckhap's Law
"Whatever you're doing, it's not as important as petting the cat." - Unknown
"He was dull in a new way, and that made many think him great." - Samuel Johnson
"Grub first, then ethics." - Bertolt Brecht
"Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space." - Graffiti
"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth." - Ali
"What a time! What a civilization!" - Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
"The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys." - Liberace
"An intellectual is a person whose mind watches itself." - Albert Camus
"Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all." - Arthur Balfour
"God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends." - Unknown
"Only the mediocre are always at their best." - Jean Giraudoux (1882-1944)
"Your ignorance cramps my conversation." - Anthony Hope
"The secret of being a bore is to tell everything." - Voltaire
"The only things that should be mouse-driven are cats." - Tom Wolfe
"Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret." - B. Disraeli
"I like work, it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." - Unknown
"Guard your eyes against flying bone fragments." - Grant's dissector.
"Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter." - John Keats
"Is there life before death?" - Belfast Graffito
"Let's have some new cliches." - Samuel Goldwyn
"One who never asks knows either everything or nothing." - Malcolm Forbes
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson
"The paper burns, but the words fly away." - Ben Joseph Akiba
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." - Sigmund Freud
"Never call a man a fool; borrow from him." - Unknown
"Prophecy is the wit of a fool." - Vladimir Nabokov (1899-1977)
"Rashness attends youth, as prudence does old age." - Cicero
"All heiresses are beautiful." - John Dryden
"I didn't know it was impossible when I did it." - Unknown
"Integrity has no need of rules." - Albert Camus
"Never go to bed with anyone crazier than you are." - Hartley's Second Law
"A little learning is a dangerous thing! - Alexander Pope
"Wit is cultured insolence." - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"In his private heart no man much respects himself." - Mark Twain
"I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages." - William H. Mauldin
"Life cannot subsist in society but by reciprocal concessions." - S. Johnson
"Education is helping the child realize his potentialities. - Erich Fromm
"The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it." - Abbie Hoffman
"Some people won't accept pain; they just refuse delivery." - Unknown
"Every burned book enlightens the world." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The world is an enormous injustice." - Jules Romains
"There is never enough time, unless you're serving it." - Malcolm Forbes
"What a beautiful fix we are in now; peace has been declared." - Napoleon
"If there isn't a law, there will be." - Harold Faber
"Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves." - Unknown
"A shotgun wedding is a matter of wife or death." - Unknown
"You never find a lost article until you replace it." - Unknown
"Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union." - Joseph Stalin
"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it." - M. Fuller
"Everything goes wrong all at once." - Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law
"A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on. - Fred Allen
"There's no substitute for incomprehensible good luck." - Unknown
"You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." - John Morley
"By the time we've made it, we've had it." - Malcolm Forbes
"Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship." - Franklin
"Trust in Allah, but tie your camel." - Arabian proverb
"If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average." - Unknown
"Only the young die good." - Oliver Herford
"It is part of the cure to wish to be cured." - Seneca
"Credulity is the man's weakness, but the child's strength." - Charles Lamb
"An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it." - Unknown
"Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday." - Unknown
"I don't necessarily agree with everything I say." - Marshall McLuhan
"Vote early and vote often." - Al Capone (1899-1947)
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." - Sextus Aurelius
"The higher the buildings, the lower the morals." - Noel Coward
"Madness is the first sign of dandruff." - John Lennon
"Sex is too important to take seriously." - Unknown
"Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity a greater." - William Hazlitt
"A mind content both crown and kingdom is. - Greene
"Only the sinner has the right to preach." - Christopher Morley
"They talk most who have the least to say." - Matthew Prior
"I can't believe I forgot to have children." - Unknown
"No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach." - William Cowper, English poet
"Insomnia gets most of the blame that conscience deserves." - Franklin P. Jones
"I only like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign." - Mae West
"Hindsight is the only exact science." - Theo Kojak
"All I know is just what I read in the papers." - Will Rogers
"Who am I to deny that maybe God is me?" - Unknown
"The best kind of diplomat is a fully loaded phasor bank." - Montgomery Scott
"A problem well stated is a problem half solved." - Charles F. Kettering
"If you want a thing well one, do it yourself." - Charles Haddon Spurgeon
"No public man can be just a little crooked." - Herbert Hoover
"To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves." - Virginia Woolf
"I'm not breaking the rules - I'm just testing their elasticity." - Unknown
"Accuracy, n.: The vice of being right." - Unknown
"Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall." - Unknown
"God does not play dice with the universe." - Albert Einstein
"Ambition is like love, impatient both of delays and rivals." - Denham
"When men speak ill of thee, live so no one will believe them." - Plato
"There's at least one fool in every married couple." - Unknown
"Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel." - Samuel Johnson
"The life so short, the craft so long to learn." - Hippocrates
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
"To be loved, be lovable." - Ovid,
"Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." - Ogden Nash
"Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone." - Unknown
"A waste is a terrible thing to mind." - Custodians of Love Canal
"A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms." - George Wald
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." - Pancho Villa
"No evil can happen to a good man." - Plato
"He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools." - Confucius
"If silence be good for the wise, how much better for fools." - The Talmud
"Confound these ancestors... they've stolen our best ideas!" - Ben Jonson
"He is next to the gods whom reason impels." - Claudian
"The heart is wiser than the intellect." - Unknown
"Never try to out-stubborn a cat." - Lazarus Long (Robert A. Heinline)
"All the men on my staff can type." - Bella Abzug
"In Mexico we have a word for sushi: Bait." - Jose Simon
"Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil." - Niccolo Machiavelli
"Hitch your wagon to a star." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"To be free is to have achieved your life." - Tennessee Williams
"There is no sin but ignorance." - Christopher Marlowe
"You never get a second chance to give a first impression." - Unknown
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be." - Peter de Vries
"Love demands infinitely less than friendship." - George Jean Nathan
"The best of seers is he who guesses well." - Euripides
"If you build it, he will come." - Movie: "Field of Dreams"
"He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last." - Unknown
"If you're coasting, you're going downhill." - L. R. Pierson
"What does not destroy me, makes me strong." - Nietzsche
"You're either part of the solution or part of the problem." - E. Cleaver
"Ya gotta do what ya gotta do." - Sylvester Stallone, Rocky IV
"I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education." - Wilson Mizner
"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." - Fanny Fern
"Nobody notices when things go right." - M. Zimmerman
"I don't really trust a sane person." - Lyle Alzado
"E = MC² * 3d6" - AD&D; dice rolls for nuclear detonation
"Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle." - Unknown
"It's not destiny until it's happened." - Unknown
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. - Lily Tomlin
"It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail." - Gore Vidal
"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best." - O. Wilde
"Never look a gift horse in the mouth." - Saint Jerome
"The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf." - Unknown
"Person are to be loved; things are to be used." - Reuel Howe
"Arguments with furniture are rarely productive." - Kehlog Albran: The Profit
"What is now proved was only once imagined." - William Blake
"Not failure, but low aim, is crime. - James Russell Lowell
"We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately." - Franklin
"An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." - Benjamin Franklin
"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone." - Unknown
"I think the first duty of society is justice." - Alexander Hamilton
"The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong." - Ecclesiastes
"If you want to get along, go along. - Sam Rayburn
"Words divide us, action unites us." - Slogan of the Tupamaros
"Atheism is rather in the life than in the heart of man." - Bacon
"The middle word in "Life" is "if"." - Unknown
"Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. - Charles McCabe
"I think the world is run by 'C' students." - Al McGuire
"Let sleeping dogs lie." - Charles Dickens
"When it is dark enough you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"If an experiment works, something has gone wrong." - Finagle's First Law
"There is nothing I love as much as a good fight." - FDR
"Don't panic!" - Douglas Adams: "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
"Time is flying never to return." - Vergil (70-19 B.C.)
"A man's got to know his limitations." - Clint Eastwood: Magnum Force
"I am but mad north-northwest." - Shakespeare
"They say you can't do it, but sometimes it doesn't always work." - C. Stengel
"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects." - Will Rogers
"We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves." - Eric Hoffer
"If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy." - Murphy's Military Law #16
"It ain't over till it's over." - Yogi Berra
"Progress might be a circle, rather than a straight line." - Eberhard Zeidler
"We're all in this alone." - Lily Tomlin
"I have become Death, the destroyer of worlds." - Dr. Robert Oppenheimer
"A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. - O'Henry
"I hate quotations." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Youth is the best time to be rich and the best time to be poor." - Euripides
"Only the ephemeral is of lasting value." - Ionesco
"I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up." - Biff Barf
"Common sense: the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18." - Einstein
"Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work." - Al Capp
"I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it." - Samuel Goldwyn
"No man is lonely while eating spaghetti." - Robert Morely
"Talent does you no good unless it is recognized by someone else." - R. Half
"Realism... has more to do with reality than anything else." - Hob Broun
"It is sweet and honorable to die for one's country." - Horace
"Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious." - Oscar Wilde
"Winning is not everything. It's the only thing." - Vince Lombardi
"What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying." - Khrushchev
"Anatomy is destiny." - Sigmund Freud
"There is no great genius without some touch of madness." - Seneca
"Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad." - Leo Rosten
"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you." - Unknown
"The more he talked of his honor the faster we counted our spoons." - Emerson
"Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?" - Unknown
"There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man." - Groucho
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" - Abraham Lincoln
"You can't underestimate the power of fear." - Tricia Nixon
"We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified." - Aesop
"Calamity is a man's true touchstone." - Beaumont and Fletcher
"He whom love touches not, walks in darkness." - Plato
"The idea of all-out nuclear war is unsettling." - Walter Goodman
"Boy, the things I do for England." - Prince Charles on sampling snake meat
"Never underestimate the power of a platitude." - Edgar R. Fiedler
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid." - Shaw
"Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow." - Matthew Browne
"Everyone wants to be normal, but no one wants to be average." - Unknown
"It exists." - The First Myth of Management
"Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." - Soren Kierkegaard
"Great minds travel in the same sewers." - Unknown
"There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court." - Clarence Darrow
"Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you." - Lazarus Long
"At 75, I've had just about all I can take of myself." - S.N. Behrman
"Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible." - Colby
"Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny." - Kin Hubbard
"What's up, Doc?" - Bugs Bunny
"The camera cannot lie. But it can be an accessory to untruth." - Harold Evans
"Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser." - Unknown
"Education is the transmission of civilization." - Will and Ariel Durant
"He who shouts the loudest has the floor." - Swipple's Rule of Order
"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before." - Eisenhower
"A statesman cannot afford to be a moralist." - Will Durant
"Too much of a good thing is wonderful." - Mae West
"Nothing is more terrible than activity without insight." - Thomas Carlyle
"Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young." - Russell Banks
"We make war that we may live in peace." - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think." - Alexander Pope
"He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet." - Unknown
"Eighty percent of success is showing up." - Woody Allen
"To know all things is not permitted." - Horace
"I am not sincere, even when I say I am not." - Jules Renard
"Well, there you go again." - Ronald Reagan
"Good art is not what it looks like, but what it does to us." - Roy Adzak
"MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's." - Doug Ferrari
"I shut my eyes in order to see." - Paul Gauguin
"The price of greatness is responsibility." - Winston Churchill
"The school of hard knocks is an accelerated curriculum." - Menander
"If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all." - Ronald Reagan
"Gray hair is God's graffiti." - Bill Cosby
"Because I'm the programmer. That's why." - Midnight Programmers
"A mathematician is a machine for turning coffee into theorems." - Paul Erdős
"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men." - Kin Hubbard
"The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less." - E. Cleaver
"Coincidences are spiritual puns." - G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
"Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason." - Unknown
"Gort! Klaatu barada nikto!" - Patricia Neal: "The Day the Earth Stood Still"
"Beyond each corner new directions lie in wait." - Stanislaw Lec
"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
"Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon." - Tommy Lasorda
"In the fight between you and the world, back the world." - Franz Kafka
"Matrimony is the root of all evil." - Unknown
"Great souls have wills, feeble one have only wishes." - Chinese Proverb
"When you sling mud, you lose ground." - Adlai Stevenson
"What you get is a living; what you give is a life." - Lilian Gish
"Hell is truth seen too late." - H. G. Adams
"One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true." - Unknown
"Living with a saint is more grueling than being one." - Robert Neville
"There is serenity in chaos. Seek ye the eye of the hurricane." - Unknown
"Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater." - Roman Polanski
"Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell." - Shana Alexander
"Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely." - Lord Acton
"I enjoy being a highly overpaid actor." - Roger Moore
"An object will fall so as to do the most damage." - Law of Selective Gravity
"It's amazing how often rationality is equated with unmanliness." - Unknown
"My brain is my second favorite organ." - Woody Allen
"If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty." - Benjamin Franklin
"When you go out to buy, don't show your silver." - William Shakespeare
"We aim to please, but we shoot to kill." - Unknown
"Nothing anybody tells you about marriage helps." - Max Siegal
"The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground." - Buddha
"The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't." - Unknown
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it." - Unknown
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Neil Young
"The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out." - Tenessee Williams
"Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery." - Jack Paar
"Our bodies are our gardens, to which our wills are gardeners." - Shakespeare
"When the president does it, that means it is not illegal." - Richard Nixon
"There is no gravity. The earth sucks." - Graffiti
"I believe that eating pork makes people stupid." - David Steinberg
"The apparel oft' proclaims the man." - Shakespeare, "Hamlet"
"Ronald Reagan is a triumph of the embalmer's art." - Gore Vidal
"We have all passed a lot of water since then." - Samuel Goldwyn
"An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest." - Proverb
"They that govern the most make the least noise." - John Seldon
"He who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints." - Joan L. Brannon
"Eeny meeny, jelly beanie, the spirits are about to speak." - Bullwinkle
"Friendship is like money, easier made than kept." - Samuel Butler
"The dog howls in the night, but the caravan travels on." - August Kloppenburg
"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. - Samuel Goldwyn
"Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo." - Robert Byrne
"Another victory like that and we are done for." - Pyrrhus
"If you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Unknown
"Let not the sun go down upon your wrath." - Ephesians
"The totality is present even in the broken pieces." - Aldous Huxley
"When one is painting one does not think." - Raphael
"Work to become, not to acquire." - Confucius
"Love conquers all things." - Virgil
"The more wit, the less courage." - Thomas Fuller
"Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it." - Lisa Tidler
"It takes a long time to understand nothing." - Edward Dahlberg
"If it can break, it will, but only after the warranty expires." - S. Graditor
"Two dangers constantly threaten the world: order and disorder." - Paul Valery
"In a fight you don't stop to choose your cudgels." - Nikita Khruschev
"The dirtiest book of all is the expurgated book." - Walt Whitman
"Love is sentimental measles." - Unknown
"Yes, we have no Nirvanas, we have no Nirvanas today." - Unknown
"Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds." - Emerson
"Rotten wood can not be carved." - Confucius
"Always draw your curves, then plot the reading." - Finagle's Third Rule
"Life is what happens while you are making other plans." - John Lennon
"What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness." - Unknown
"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." - Marie Curie
"You cannot antagonize and influence at the same time." - J. S. Knox
"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl." - Emerson
"This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper." - T. S. Eliot
"Schizophrenia beats dining alone." - Unknown
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich." - Napoleon
"When waking a tiger, use a long stick." - Unknown
"Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down." - Robert Frost
"The other day I...uh, no, that wasn't me." - Steven Wright
"Support your local medical examiner - die strangely." - Unknown
"All change is not growth; all movement is not forward." - Ellen Glasgow
"TV is chewing gum for the eyes." - Frank Lloyd Wright
"To escape criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
"Chance favors the prepared mind." - Louis Pasteur
"Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television." - Gore Vidal
"Originality is the art of concealing your source." - Franklin P. Jones
"If Reagan had run unopposed, he would have lost." - Mort Sahl
"Boy, n.: Noise with dirt on it." - Unknown
"If anything can go wrong, it will." - Murphy's First Law
"I may have my faults, but being wrong ain't one of them." - Jimmy Hoffa
"A friend is one who has the same enemies you have. - Abraham Lincoln
"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." - E. Parr
"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it." - Sydney J. Harris
"What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others." - Confucius
"It works better if you plug it in." - Sattinger's Law
"It's better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating." - Oscar Wilde
"The first condition of immortality is death." - Stanislaw Lec
"Brevity is the soul of wit." - Shakespeare
"We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything." - Thomas Edison
"He is happiest who hath power to gather wisdom from a flower." - Mary Howitt
"Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?" - Artemus Ward
"To know much is often the cause of doubting more." - Montaigne
"If you cannot convince them, confuse them" - Harry S. Truman
"No good deed goes unpunished." - Clare Boothe Luce
"A piano is a piano is a piano." - Gertrude Steinway
"It isn't easy being green." - Kermit the Frog
"There is nothing new under the sun." - Ecclesiastes 1:9
"Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work." - Howe's Law
"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." - Steven Wright
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time." - Steven Wright
"Apart from the known and the unknown what is there?" - Unknown
"To err is human, and stupid." - Robert Byrne
"Ideas shape the course of history." - John Maynard Keynes
"The civilized man is a more experienced and wiser savage." - Thoreau
"Lo! Men have become the tools of their tools." - Henry David Thoreau
"Creation is not a thing gods do, it is something that they are." - Unknown
"Strength lies not in defense but in attack." - Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
"It's clever, but is it art?" - Unknown
"Chaste makes waste." - Unknown
"Satire is what closes in New Haven." - Unknown
"Everyone rises to his own level of incompetence. - L.J. Peter's Principle
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." - Graffiti
"There is no substitute for hard work." - Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
"Marriage is always a bachelor's last option." - Serocki's Stricture
"High thoughts must have high language." - Aristophanes
"In love there is but little rest." - Chaucer
"Many might go to heaven with half the labor they go to hell." - Ben Johnson
"Make yourself necessary to somebody." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The hidden flaw never remains hidden." - Law of Revelation
"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." - Alex Hamilton
"When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly." - Unknown
"Cynicism: the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence." - R. Lynes
"Education: A debt due from present to future generations." - George Peabody
"At age fifty, every man has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem." - E. Cleaver
"Instead of loving your enemies treat your friends a little better." - Ed Howe
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." - Erma Bombeck
"Great geniuses have the shortest biographies." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?" - Unknown
"Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability." - Roy Smith
"If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend." - Unknown
"Life is short; live it up." - Nikita S. Krushchev
"Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions." - Murrow
"Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope." - Glasow
"Time is the great equalizer, even in the field of morals." - H. L. Mencken
"Where all men think alike, no one thinks very much." - Walter Lippmann
"An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's." - W. Rogers
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." - Oscar Wilde
"The bigger they are, the harder they hit." - Perkin's Postulate
"Bad taste is timeless." - Unknown
"Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing." - Emerson
"An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible." - Unknown
"Epigrams succeed where epics fail." - Persian proverb
"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege." - Unknown
"I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself." - Unknown
"All art is a revolt against man's fate." - Andre Malraus
"The reverse side also has a reverse side." - Japanese proverb
"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." - W. C. Fields
"He who is afraid to ask is afraid to learn." - Danish Proverb
"What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement." - Fred Allen
"The pyramids will not last a moment compared with the daisy." - D.H. Lawrence
"Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines." - David Letterman
"If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane." - Unknown
"When things go wrong, don't go with them." - Unknown
"The human race knows enough about thinking to prevent it." - Celia Greene
"He travels the fastest who travels alone." - Rudyard Kipling
"What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?" - Unknown
"She that paints her face thinks of her tail." - Poor Richard's Almanac
"Granting our wish is one of Fate's saddest jokes." - James Russell Lowell
"Fascism is big business armed with bayonets." - Grant Singleton
"And that's the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle." - Stan Dunn
"God helps them that help themselves." - Benjamin Franklin
"Flies spread disease; keep yours zipped." - Unknown
"Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong." - Adolf Hitler
"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." - William Shakespeare
"Nature sides with the hidden flaw." - Unknown
"Cute rots the intellect." - Garfield
"Never trust anyone over thirty." - Jerry Rubin
"Doubt is the beginning of wisdom." - Unknown
"The important thing is not to stop questioning." - Albert Einstein
"I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget." - Benjamin Disraeli
"We can't leave the haphazard to chance." - N.F. Simpson
"Genius is an infinite capacity for taking pains." - Jane Hopkins
"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms." - Groucho Marx
"Consciousness is that which it is not, and is not that which it is." - Sartre
"To accept good advice is but to increase one's own ability." - J. W. Goethe
"He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke." - Unknown
"Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last." - Marcus Aurelius
"It is a luxury to be understood." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The impossible is often the untried." - Jim Goodwin
"Automatic' simply means that you can't repair it yourself." - Mary H. Waldrip
"Anyone who cannot be replaced, cannot be promoted." - Law of Advancement
"Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief." - Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary
"I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." - Chico Marx
"Being a pain in the ass is a prerogative of the creative mind." - Unknown
"The other line moves faster." - Etorre's Observation
"What time hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit." - Shakespeare
"Nothing endures but change." - Heraclitus
"A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom." - Robert Frost
"Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true." - Francis Bacon
"You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up." - Nixon
"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper." - Sir Francis Bacon
"Nothing exceeds like excess." - unknown
"Diplomacy ... the art of restraining power." - Henry Kissinger
"After all is said and done, more is said than done." - Unknown
"The buck stops with the guy who signs the cheques." - Rupert Murdoch
"Gluttony is not a secret vice." - Orson Welles
"Is Moby Dick the whale or the man?" - Harold Ross
"The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone." - Henrik Ibsen
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass." - M. Mull
"To be an elf is to think like one." - J. R. R. Tolkien
"I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat." - W. Rogers
"An actor is a sculptor who carves in snow." - Edwin Booth
"A woman's life is a history of the affections. - Washington Irving
"When the rich make war it's the poor that die." - Jean-Paul Sartre
"If you torture the data enough, it will confess." - Unknown
"Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense." - e e cummings
"If (shoe fit) wear (shoe);" - "C" humour
"You furnish the pictures and I'll furnish the war." - W.R. Hearst
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him." - Voltaire
"I invent nothing. I rediscover." - Auguste Rodin
"When all other means of communication fail, try words." - Unknown
"Honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times." - Johnson
"A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring." - Ambrose Bierce
"Like all self-made men he worships his creator." - unknown
"Everything you see I owe to spaghetti." - Sophia Loren
"If there were dreams to sell, what would you buy?" - Thomas Lowell Beddoes
"Humility is the first of the virtues - for other people." - O. W. Holmes
"There is no should. There is only is." - Aquare
"Hell is the place where love is not found." - Santa Teresa
"All power corrupts, but we need electricity." - D. W. Jones
"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." - Unknown
"Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Distance lends enhancement to the view." - Thomas Campbell
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." - Henry David Thoreau
"No experiment is reproducible." - Wyszowski's Law
"I never loved another person the way I loved myself." - Mae West
"Everything in New York is an art form." - Unknown
"You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake." - Jeannette Rankin
"The cruelest lies are often told in silence." - Robert Louis Stevenson
"Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples." - Unknown
"Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it." - Unknown
"Without feeling there's no reason to live." - André Kertész
"A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes." - James Feibleman
"I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere." - Unknown
"There was never a good war or a bad peace." - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
"Fools make feasts and wise men eat them." - Poor Richard's Almanac
"Learn to reason forward and backward on both sides of a question. - T. Blandi
"Only in America can humanitarianism be suspect to the patriot." - J. Putnam
"When in doubt, duck." - Malcolm Forbes
"First secure an independent income, then practice virtue." - Greek saying
"I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise." - Unknown
"The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest." - Kilgore Trout
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - Franklin D. Roosevelt
"I used to be a narrator for bad mimes." - Steven Wright
"Children are our most valuable national resource." - Herbert Hoover
"Forgive and Remember." - Unknown
"War will cease when men refuse to fight." - Fridtjof Hansen
"Taken as a whole, the universe is absurd." - Walter Savage Landor
"A technique is a trick that works." - Gian-Carlo Rota
"I'm a doctor, Jim, not a biochemical neuroprotein physiologist!" - McCoy
"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." - Jonathan Kozol
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it." - Bert Lantz
"There is no sin except stupidity." - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"There is no god, and Murphy is his prophet." - Unknown
"A prudent question is one-half wisdom. - Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
"Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded." - Yogi Berra
"I never met a kid I liked." - W.C. Fields
"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance." - Will Durant
"Goodness is the only investment that never fails." - Thoreau
"When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve." - Unknown
"I'll take Heaven for the climate and Hell for society. - Mark Twain
"Never eat more than you can lift." - Miss Piggy
"God must have loved the plain people; he made so many of them." - Lincoln
"The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray." - Oscar Wilde
"Success is achieving the top of the food chain." - Unknown
"My work is done, why wait?" - George Eastman's suicide note
"Every crowd has a silver lining." - P.T. Barnum
"Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?" - Unknown
"Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure." - Chinese proverb
"War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory." - Clemenceau
"It is bad luck to be superstitious" - Andrew W. Mathis
"Habit is the nursery of errors." - Victor Hugo
"Familiarity breeds attempt." - Goodman Ace
"Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit." - Teresias
"First, let's kill all the lawyers." - William Shakespeare
"Real wealth can only increase." - Buckminster Fuller
"One's company, two's a crowd and three's a party." - Andy Warhol (1928-1987)
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception." - Groucho
"Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice." - Unknown
"By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote." - Emerson
"The only proper intoxication is conversation." - Oscar Wilde
"I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror." - Elaine Dundy
"Be moderate in everything, including moderation." - Horace Porter
"Love your neighbors, but don't pull down the fence." - Chinese proverb.
"You are no bigger than the things that annoy you." - Jerry Bundsen
"You cannot kill time without injuring eternity." - Unknown
"Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" - The Joker
"Out of my way! I'm a scientist!" - War Of The Worlds
"Language is the light of the mind." - John Stuart Mill
"The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it." - Reggie Jackson
"Humankind cannot bear very much reality." - T. S. Eliot
"Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves." - Lincoln
"Anybody who hates children and dogs can't be all bad." - W. C. Fields
"Always be smarter than the people who hire you." - Lena Horne
"Often it is fatal to live too long. " - Racine
"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing." - Robert Benchley
"Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth." - Pablo Picasso
"Oop. Ack. Phbbbbbbbbbt." - Bill the Cat
"Great deeds are usually wrought at great risks." - Herodotus
"Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone." - Unknown
"Poverty is the mother of crime." - Marcus Aurelius
"Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs." - Henry Ford
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - Santayana
"An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions." - R. A. Humphrey
"No affectation of peculiarity can conceal a commonplace mind." - W.S. Maugham
"The truest wild beasts live in the most populous places." - Baltasar Gracian
"All is flux, nothing stays still." - Heraclitus
"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." - Isaac Asimov
"The scientists split the atom; now the atom is splitting us." - Q. Reynolds
"I am as pure as the driven slush." - Tallulah Bankhead
"Be virtuous and you will be eccentric." - Mark Twain
"To get back on your feet, miss two car payments." - Unknown
"One lives in the hope of becoming a memory." - Antonio Porchia
"There are more of them than us." - Herb Caen
"Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit." - Henry B. Adams
"A good deed never goes unpunished. - Gore Vidal
"Anyone can steer the ship when the sea is calm." - Publilius Syrus
"Look before you leap." - Samuel Butler
"It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get up." - Somerset Maugham
"Friendly fire ain't." - Murphy's Military Law #3
"One more drink and I'll be under the host." - Dorothy Parker
"Even rats learn from experience." - George Skarbek
"In the race for love, I was scratched." - Joan Davis (1912-1961)
"Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust." - Unknown
"Be excellent to each other." - Ruffus: "Bill and Ted's Excelent Adventure'
"All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." - Orwell
"People who feel well are sick people neglecting themselves." - Jules Romains
"Oh brave new world, that has such people in it." - Shakespeare, "The Tempest"
"One should not try to sell roses in a fish market." - Unknown
"The worst vice of the fanatic is his sincerity." - Oscar Wilde
"Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference." - Unknown
"And now for something we hope you'll really like!" - Rocky
"The limits of my language means the limits of my world." - Wittgenstein
"Be blissfully guided by the veritable urge!" - Siegfried Javotnik
"Once, adv.: Enough." - Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary
"I am never bored anywhere; being bored is an insult to onself." - J. Renard
"A nation is just a society for hating foreigners." - Olaf Stapledon
"Remember: Quantum Mechanics are people too." - Unknown
"Care of the poor is incumbent on society as a whole." - Spinoza
"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once." - unknown
"I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance." - Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
"There is always free cheese in a mousetrap." - Unknown
"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." - Getty
"I hate definitions." - Benjamin Disraeli
"Becoming is superior to being." - Paul Klee
"We may be lost, but we're way ahead of schedule." - Unknown
"The best way to kill time is to work it to death." - unknown
"No one loves the man whom he fears." - Aristotle
"Them what has - gets." - Iron Law of Distribution
"Up is, by definition, the direction which broadens horizons." - A. Cygni
"Science is truth; don't be misled by facts." - Finagle's Creed
"If the shoe fits, it's ugly." - Gold's Law
"He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone." - Jesus
"Don't force it - get a bigger hammer." - Anthony's Law of Force
"Behind every great fortune there is a crime." - Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
"I never think of the future. It comes soon enough." - Albert Einstein
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax." - Einstein
"If guns are outlawed, how will conservatives win any arguments?" - Unknown
"Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?" - Ronald Reagan
"I know that the hypnotized never lie... do you." - Pete Townsend
"Today's rebel is tomorrow's tyrant." - Will and Ariel Durant
"Enough is as good as a feast." - John Heywood
"Never underestimate the rationality of your opponent." - Unknown
"How can you tell the dance from the dancer?" - Unknown
"I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest." - S. Pearl
"Describe a circle, stroke its back and it turns vicious." - Ionesco
"Hope springs eternal in the human breast." - Alexander Pope
"The thoughtless are rarely wordless." - Howard W. Newton
"People will believe anything if you whisper it." - The Whispered Rule
"The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on." - Unknown
"Express an opinion, but send advice by freight." - Charles Clark Munn
"Things get worse under pressure." - Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
"I've never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind." - Mike Todd
"Enough research will tend to support your theory." - Law of Research
"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail." - Unknown
"There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool." - L.M. Boyd
"Nothing is true. Everything is permissible." - Hassan i Sabbah
"Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea." - Unknown
"He who hurries cannot walk with dignity." - Fortune cookie
"The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf." - Will Rogers
"Natural laws have no pity." - Unknown
"People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it." - Peter Sellers
"Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat." - Musselman
"Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate." - Unknown
"By the time you can do a job perfectly, it is boring." - Dobson's Dilemma
"Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem." - U.S. Dept. of Labor
"Public opinion in this country is everything." - Abraham Lincoln
"I am a part of all that I have read." - John Kieran
"Rebellions of the belly are the worst." - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
"Chicken Little only has to be right once." - Firestone's Law of Forcasting
"Be prepared to go mad with fixed rule and method." - Horace
"I use not only all the brains I have, but all I can borrow." - Woodrow Wilson
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
"Only dead fish swim with the stream." - Unknown
"Moscow in flames. Missiles headed for New York. Film at 11." - Unknown
"Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity." - Unknown
"Of course I'm arrogant. The best usually are." - Unknown
"Never find your delight in another's misfortune." - Publilius Syrus
"If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic." - Unknown
"The solution to the problem changes the problem." - Peer's Law
"Without work all life goes rotten." - Albert Camus
"It is easier to stay out than get out." - Mark Twain
"I'm still an atheist, thank God." - Luis Bunuel
"The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon." - Unknown
"It is a wise father that knows his own child." - William Shakespeare
"Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage." - Publilius Syrus
"A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler
"We are all special cases." - Albert Camus
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction." - Altito
"A stitch in time would have confused Einstein." - Unknown
"I am simply a human being, more or less." - Saul Bellow
"All generalizations are dangerous, even this one." - Alexandre Dumas fils
"Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good." - Unknown
"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Only the winners decide what were war crimes." - Gary Wills
"One generation cannot bind another." - Thomas Jefferson
"You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in." - Arlo Guthrie
"The validity of a science is its ability to predict." - The Swartzberg Test
"Needs are a function of what other people have." - Jone's Principle
"A narcissist is someone better looking than you are. - Gore Vidal
"I continually marvel at the efficiency of the gods." - Kaylith MacRevan
"He who hesitates is last." - Mae West
"Secret sources are more credible." - Ron Nessen
"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you." - Unknown
"To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven." - Emerson
"In the place of the beast the gods dream." - Unknown
"One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough." - Thurber
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." - Ford Prefect
"Never mistake endurance for hospitality." - Unknown
"All life is six to five against." - Damon Runyon (1884-1946)
"Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse." - Miguel de Cervantes
"You're awfully picky for someone living in the Twilight Zone." - Unknown
"It is by logic that we prove, but by intuition that we discover." - Poincare
"It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them." - Alfred Adler
"Interchangeable parts won't." - Law of Spare Parts
"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all." - Dangerfield
"Nice guys finish last." - Leo Durocher
"My husband gave me a permanent wave, and now he's gone." - Dawn Messer
"I understand a fury in your words, but not your words." - Shakespeare
"Many people would sooner die than think. In fact, they do." - B. Russell
"I drink to forget I drink." - Joe E. Lewis
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" - Steven Wright
"The hour which gives us life begins to take it away." - Seneca
"The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum." - H. Ellis
"There is no remedy for sex but more sex." - Unknown
"Boldness is a child of ignorance." - Sir Francis Bacon
"Racism is the snobbery of the poor." - Raymond Aron
"Science is what happens when preconception meets verification." - Unknown
"Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity." - Horace Mann
"The only completely consistent people are the dead." - Aldous Huxley
"Hurting people is my business." - Sugar Ray Robinson
"Most people deserve each other." - Shirley's Law
"Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals." - Oh, Lucky Man
"Experience and treachery will always beat youth and skill." - Unknown
"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong." - Oscar Wilde
"The best way to keep one's word is not to give it." - Napoleon Bonaparte
"Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up." - Unknown
"If little else, the brain is an educational toy." - Unknown
"It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper." - Errol Flynn
"Any excuse will serve a tyrant." - Aesop
"The finest edge is made with the blunt whetstone." - John Lyly
"How much money did you make last year? Mail it in." - Simplified tax form
"In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play." - Nietzsche
"Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something." - Wilson Mizner
"There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream." - Unknown
"Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness." - Woody Allen
"Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?" - Frank Scully
"Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable." - Tom Gibb
"I'll play with it first and tell you what it is later." - Miles Davis
"Don't be humble. You're not that great." - Golda Meir (1898-1978)
"It is better to be quotable than to be honest." - Tom Stoppard
"The plural of spouse is spice." - Unknown
"He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder." - M. C. Escher
"I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable." - W. Rogers
"Among mortals second thoughts are wisest." - Euripides
"Knowledge without courage is sterile." - Baltasar Bracian
"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped." - Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
"We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company."
"Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein." - Paraphrasing the Book of Proverbs
"Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased." - Unknown
"When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time." - Abram's Advice
"Fear has its use but cowardice has none." - Mahatma Gandhi
"Perceiving reality is a biological necessity." - Francois Jacob
"Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
"You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap." - Dolly Parton
"Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry." - George Ada
"It's not what you eat, it's what you swallow." - Dan Gookin
"One man's red tape is another man's system." - D. Waldo
"We desire to open the planetary worlds to mankind." - Wernher von Braun
"The march of the human mind is slow." - Edmund Burke
"God may be subtle. But He is not malicious." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." - RFK
"Barnum was wrong - it's more like every 30 seconds." - Unknown
"If time files like an arrow, how come fruit flies like a banana?" - Unknown



"Positive anything is better than negative nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
"Never mistake motion for action." - Ernest Hemingway
"Rest is for the dead." - Thomas Carlyle
"One does evil enough when one does nothing good." - German proverb
"Action is the only true test of ability." - Anonymous
"It is better to wear out one's shoes than one's sheets." - Genoese proverb
"Trying all things; achieving what you can." - Herman Melville
"Action is the proper fruit of knowledge." - Thomas Fuller
"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther
"Give sail to ability." - Japanese proverb


"Absence makes the heart go yonder." - Unknown
"80% of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." Jackie Mason
"Here's to our wives and sweethearts--may they never meet." - John Bunny
"The plural of spouse is spice." - Anonymous
"Adultery is the application of democracy to love." - H.L. Mencken


"Adventure is not outside a man; it is within." - David Grayson
"Adventure is simply memory, imagination, and a touch of fantasy." - Bosveld


"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket." - Orwell
"Advertising executive: yessir, nossir, ulcer." - Anonymous
"The art of publicity is a black art." - Judge Learned Hand
"Advertising is legalized lying." - H. G. Wells


"I drink no more than a sponge." - Rabelais
"Taverns are places where madness is sold by the bottle." - Jonathan Swift
"Alcohol kills the living and preserves the dead." - Unknown
"My uncle was the town drunk--and we lived in Chicago." - George Goebel
"What is said when drunk has been thought out beforehand." Flemish proverb
"They talk about my drinking, but never my thirst." - Scottish proverb
"I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors." - Joe E. Lewis
"When the martini beckons, no seconds." - John Steinbeck
"For a bad hangover, take the juice of two quarts of whiskey." - Eddie Condon
"Better belly burst than good liquor be lost." - Jonathan Swift
"I drink to forget I drink." - Joe E. Lewis
"He was driving drunk--as if he were tacking a sail boat." - Raymond Chandler
"I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved." - George Goebel
"I like a wine that fights back." - John Steed, "The Avengers"
"I have taken more out of alcohol than it's taken out of me." - Churchill
"The whole world is three drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart
"I drink to make other people interesting." - George Jean Nathan
"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt." - Dean Martin
"Never accept a drink from a urologist." - Erma Bombeck's father
"Never drink from your finger bowl - it contains only water." - Unknown
"Never program and drink beer at the same time." - Woltman's Law
"Some of us drink from the fountain of Life; others just gargle." - Unknown
"Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life." - Shaw


"In this business you either sink or swim, or you don't." - David Smith
"Men of business must not break their word twice." - Thomas Fuller
"Business is a combination of war and sport." - Andrea Maurois
"The aim . . . is service, for profit, at a risk." - Benjamin C. Leeming
"You show me a capitalist, I'll show you a bloodsucker." - Malcolm X
"The basic law of capitalism is you or I, not both you and I." - Liebneckt
"Trading is thieving unless it is barter. - Kahlil Gibran
"Here's the rule for bargains: Do other men, for they would do you." - Dickens
"He who findeth fault meaneth to buy." - Unknown
"Business will be either better or worse." - Calvin Coolidge
"The business of America is business." - Calvin Coolidge
"The public be damned, I work for my stockhholders!" - C. Vanderbilt
"The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights." - J.P. Getty
"When your IQ rises to 28, sell." - Professor Irwin Corey
"Sometimes democracy must be bathed in blood." - Augusto Pinochet


"When a man has pity on all living creatures, then only is he noble." - Buddha
"Mercy does not always express itself by withholding punishment." - E. Ligon
"There will be no mercy to those who have shown no mercy." - James 2:13


"I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them." - Isaac Asimov
"I think there is a world market for about five computers." - IBM COB, 1943
"Any idiot can understand computers, and many do." - Unknown
"BASIC is the acne of computer science." - John Allen
"Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic" - Proposed MS-DOS error message
"Best of all, it turns off" - Computer users motto
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." - Pablo Picasso
"Do not flame without flame-retardant computers!" - Unknown
"If a computer cable has one end, then it has another." - Lyall's Connecture
"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window." - Steve Wozniak
"Nice computers don't go down." - Unknown
"There is always one more bug." - Eleventh Law of Computer Programming
"To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer." - Ehrlich
"Virtually all computer knowledge is oral tradition." - Unknown
"Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad." - Unknown
"BASIC is junk food for the mind." - Alfred Bork
"BASIC is the Laverne and Shirley of computing." - Alan Kay
"The best Female Programmers are Stacked." - Unknown
"When the going gets tough, upgrade." - Unknown
"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." - Steve Jobs
"IBM" - In Bleakest Mordor


"I have such poor vision I can date anybody." - Gary Shandling
"Stop looking at the opposite sex as the enemy." - Abby Hirsch


"Dreams: the civil wilderness of sleep." - Tyson Herrick
"Dreams have as much influence as actions." - Staphane Mallarma
"To think by moonlight by the light of an inner moon." - Jules Renard
"The best dreams happen with your eyes wide open." - Anonymous
"Myths are public dreams. Dreams are private myths." - Joseph Campbell
"Dreams are the touchstones of our characters." - Henry David Thoreau


"I'm not on drugs. I am drugs." - Salvador Dali
"Drugs are the atomic bomb of the Third World." Carlos Lehder, drug baron


"An ounce of mother is worth a pound of priest." - Spanish proverb
"Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before." - Anonymous
"Parents: people who use the rhythm method of birth control." - Anonymous
"Don't allow no weirdos on the phone unless it's family." - Mama Harper
"Mussolini in knickers." - Les Dawson on his mother-in-law
"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law." - H. Humphrey
"Family reunions would be great if it weren't for relatives." - Unknown
"Many a family tree needs trimming." - Unknown
"One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it." - Unknown
"You can choose your friends, but you only have one mother." - Max Shulman


"I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." - Gilda Radner
"A sweater with a hole makes you look like a tough guy." - Beaver Cleaver
"Passions are fashions." - Clifton Fadiman


"Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing." - James Thurber
"Did you ever play, 'Let's see if this is edible'?" Larry on "Newhart"
"Appetite: the best sauce." - French proverb
"Is there any other part of the matzo you can eat?" - Marilyn Monroe
"Coffee: Break fluid." - R. R. Anderson
"The first thing I remember liking that liked me back was food." - Rhoda
"An oyster is a fish built like a nut." - Anonymous
"What vegetable would your husband most like to sit on?" - Bob Eubanks
"When it comes to foreign food, the less authentic the better." - Nachman
"I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat veggies." - Unknown


"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread." - Alexander Pope
"Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage." Publilius Syrus
"Fools rush in where fools rushed in before." - unknown
"To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools." - Unknown
"Without fools there would be no wisdom." - Unknown
"Fools rush in where fools have been before." - Unknown
"Idleness is the holiday of fools." - Unknown
"Prejudice is the reason of fools." - Voltaire (1694-1778)


"A friend is one who dislikes the same people that you dislike." - Anonymous
"It's easy to make a friend. What's harder is to make a stranger." - Unknown
"Friends are God's apology for relatives." - Hugh Kingsmill
"I don't trust him. We're friends." - Bertolt Brecht
"When you know who his friend is, you know who he is." - African proverb
"Friendship lives on its income; love devours its capital." - Arsane Houssaye
"The bird: a nest; the spider: a web; man: friendship." - Anonymous
"In wealth, many friends: in poverty, not even relatives." - Japanese saying
"In friendship nobody has a double." - Schiller
"Everytime a friend succeeds, I die a little." - Gore Vidal
"Friends made fast seldom remain fast." - Austin O'Malley
"May you live to be a 100; may I live to be 99." - Japanese saying
"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate." - Unknown
"The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away." - Unknown
"The only rose without thorns is friendship." - Unknown
"There are no friends at cards or world politics." - F.P. Dunne
"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies." - Aristotle
"With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best." - Unknown
"You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends." - Joseph Conrad
"Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little." - Gore Vidal
"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate." - Thomas Jones


"The future is much like the present, only longer." - Don Quisenberry
"The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected." - Swedish proverb
"The world is dark even half an inch ahead." - Japanese saying
"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough." - Albert Einstein
"In the future, everyone will be famous for ten seconds." - Andy Warhol
"The best prophet of the future is the past." - Unknown
"The future is much like the present, only longer." - Don Quisenberry
"The future is ahead of you." - Dave Barry
"Why can we remember the past, but not the future?" - Stephen Hawking


"A gentleman is simply a patient wolf." - Lana Turner
"A gentleman blames himself, while a common man blames others." - Confucius
"A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't." - Unknown


"'The voice of the people' is very much in need of a megaphone." - Unknown
"The only good government is a bad one in a hell of a fright." - Joyce Cary
"You can fool too many people too much of the time." - James Thurber
"A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves." - de Jouvenel
"Government expands to absorb revenue and then some." - Wiker's Law
"If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops." - Kelvin Throop
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." - Voltaire
"That government is best which governs least." - Henry David Thoreau
"Bureaucrat, n.: A politician who has tenure." - Unknown
"Democracy is finding proximate solutions to insoluble problems." - Niebuhr
"Public office is the last refuge of a scoundrel." - Boies Penrose
"I love my country too much to be a nationalist." - Albert Camus


"What broke in a man when he could bring himself to kill another?" - A. Paton
"The gods love heroes. Also a good laugh. Think about it." - Unknown


"Happiness is bumping into Raquel Welch . . . very slowly." - Laugh-In, 1969
"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved." - Hugo
"To see that heaven lies about us here in this world." - John Burroughs
"Happiness: having a scratch for every itch." - Anonymous
"Happiness can't buy money." - Groucho Marx
"Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so." - John S. Mill
"There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way." - Dr. Wayne Dyer
"Happiness is really found in giving and in serving others." - Henry Drummond
"Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop." - Unknown


"Health: the slowest possible rate at which one can die." - unknown
"If you eat only 3/4 full, you won't need a doctor." - Japanese saying
"Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance." - Plato (427?-347 B.C.)
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." - Twain
"When one has good health it is not serious to be ill." - Francis Blanche


"Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else." - unknown
"Why do some people scoop from your sea and boast of their rivulet?"- Gibran
"'Know thyself'? If I knew myself, I'd run away." - Goethe
"Some of us change, some of us mutate." - Joyce Davenport, Hill Street Blues
"I seen temptation coming, but it seen me coming, too." - Otis Campbell
"When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." - O. Wilde
"When you deal with your brother, be pleasant, but get a witness." - Hesiod
"No one remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself." - Thomas Mann
"Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth." - A. Watts
"Man is a sun; and the senses are his planets." - Novalis
"Everybody wants to be somebody: nobody wants to grow." - Goethe
"I have never seen a greater monster or miracle than myself." - Montaigne
"I'm a tuning fork, tense and twanging all the time." Edna O'Brien
"He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance." - unknown
"How awful to reflect that what people say of us is true." - L.P. Smith
"On the heights it is warmer than those in the valley imagine." - Nietzsche
"The white man's real burden is a lot of other white men." - unknown
"The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people meaner." - Kraus
"Don't be yourself--be what you ought to be." - Croft M. Penz
"Every man likes the smell of his own farts." - Icelandic proverb
"Man is ice to truth and fire to falsehood." - Jean de Fontaine
"We boil at different degrees." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Man is nature's sole mistake." - W.S. Gilbert
"Human being: an ingenious assembly of portable plumbing." - C. Morley
"We know what we are, but know not what we may be." - Shakespeare, "Hamlet"
"Man is a good thing spoiled." - Augustine of Hippo
"Anything is allowed to stand at a public bar." - Elbert Hubbard
"There are only two kinds of men--the dead and the deadly." - Helen Rowland
"By asking for the impossible we obtain the best possible." - Italian proverb
"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well." - Joe Ancis
"I am a member of the rabble in good standing." - Westbrook Pegler
"To fly from, need not be to hate mankind." - Byron
"You are the light of the world, but the switch must be turned on." A. Lewis
"The People: little dogs biting one another." - Marcus Aurelius
"Men are usually transmitting when they should be receiving." - Anonymous


"Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in." - Evan Davis


"You can know ten things by learning one." - Japanese saying
"We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything." - Thomas Edison
"Knowledge and timber shouldn't be much used till they are seasoned." - Holmes
"We are like blind men peeping through a fence." - Japanese saying
"Wonder rather than doubt is the root of knowledge." - Abraham Joshua Heschel
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." - Confucius


"He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news." - Bertolt Brecht
"Laughter: the sun that drives winter from the human face." - unknown
"If I did not laugh, I should die." - Abraham Lincoln
"A maid that laughs is half taken." - English proverb
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects." - Unknown
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." - Victor Borge


"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." - Shakespeare
"Laws are inherited like diseases." - Goethe
"Law is but a heathen word for power." - Daniel Defoe
"The embodiment of the moral sentiments of the people." - William Blackstone
"Technicalities are the 'safety zones' from justice." - unknown
"Screw the law--you get the guy off any way you can." - William Kunstler
"May you have a lawsuit in which you know you are in the right." - Gypsy curse
"Go to law for a sheep and lose your cow." - German proverb
"The portion of a law usually found unconstitutional is the teeth." - unknown
"People say law but they mean wealth." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A formless mass of isolated decisions." - Morris Cohen
"The law is a bright light which blinds all reasonable men." - unknown
"I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters." - Keats
"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once." - Lamb
"A countryman between 2 lawyers is like a fish between 2 cats." - Franklin
"Talent whips truth every time." - Judge Don B. Morgan
"Painters and lawyers can soon change white to black." - Japanese saying
"Justice is truth in action." - Benjamin Disraeli
"Justice delayed is justice denied." - William Gladstone
"Justice is incidental to law and order." - J. Edgar Hoover
"Justice, n.: A decision in your favor." - Unknown
"Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another." - Gibb's Law
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." - M. L. King, Jr.
"Let justice be done, though the heavens fall!" - Earl of Mansfield
"Peace without justice is tyranny." - William Allen White


"Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable." - Woody Allen
"Life is 442 horsepower in a two-cylinder engine." - Arthur Miller
"Life is too short to be small." - Benjamin Disraeli
"Life is for each man a solitary cell whose walls are mirrors." - E. O'Neill
"The living moment is everything." - D.H. Lawrence
"I'm here to live out loud." - Emile Zola
"Lift not the painted veil which those who live call life." - Shelley
"If you want life's best, see to it that life gets your best." - Anonymous
"It may be that we have all lived and died, and this is hell." - A.L. Prusick
"Life's a bitch, and then you meet one." - Unknown
"A blister on top of a tumor, and a boil on top of that." - Sholom Aleichem
"Life is act, and not to do is death." - Lewis Morris
"There is more to life than increasing its speed." - Mahatma Gandhi
"The world is a wilderness where tears are hung in every tree." - Thomas Hood
"A game that must be played." - Edwin Arlington Robinson
"Life is made of ever so many partings welded together." - Charles Dickens
"The cheapest bargain. You get it for nothing." - Jewish proverb
"Action and passion." - Oliver Wendell Holmes II
"Always stay in your own movie." - Ken Kesey
"Live your life, do your work, then take your hat." - Thoreau
"Everything flows and nothing stays." - Heraclitus
"Everyone is in the best seat." - John Cage
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life." - Bertolt Brecht
"Bubbles on the rapid stream of time." - Edward Young
"To repent, and then to start all over again, such is life." - V. Cherbuliez
"We think in generalities, but we live in detail." - Alfred North Whitehead
"Be, beget, begone." - Jack Benny
"Do every act of your life as if it were your last." - Marcus Aurelius
"Make sure that what you're living for is truly worth dying for." - anonymous
"Life is a long headache in a noisy street." - John Mansfield
"In the fight between you and the world, back the world." - Franz Kafka
"Have a blast while you last." - Hollis Stacy
"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." - W.C. Fields
"The whole universe resounds with the verb, 'I am'." - Alexander Scriabin
"Life is just one damned thing after another." - Frank W. O'Malley
"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door." - Bilbo Baggins
"Showing up is 80 percent of life." - Woody Allen
"It matters not how long you live, but how well." - Publilius Syrus
"Live fast, die young, leave a beautiful corpse." - James Dean
"We're all in this alone." - Lilly Tomlin
"Life can only be understood backward; it must be lived forward." - Kirkegaard
"Human life: impermanent as morning dew." - Japanese saying
"Remember to live." - Goethe
"I like life. It's something to do." - Ronny Shakes
"It is nothing to die; it is frightful not to live." - Victor Hugo
"Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge." - Paul Gauguin (1848-1903)
"Life is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel." - Racine
"Life is a series of rude awakenings." - R. V. Winkle
"Life is an unbroken succession of false situations." - Thornton Wilder
"Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable." - Woody Allen
"Life is just a bowl of pits." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Life is just one damn thing after another." - Unknown
"Life is one long process of getting tired." - Unknown
"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." - J. Lennon
"Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans." - Knight's Law
"Life, n.: An invariably fatal condition spread by sexual contact." - Unknown
"Mondays are the potholes in the road of life." - Ziggy
"Books without the knowledge of life are useless." - Samuel Johnson
"Is not life a 100 times too short for us to bore ourselves?" - Nietzsche


"It is unpleasant to go alone, even to be drowned." - Russian proverb
"Loneliness is the first thing which God's eye named not good." - John Milton
"Solitude: to go to the window and look at the stars." - Emerson


"A little innacuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation." - H.H. Munro
"No one lies so boldly as the man who is indignant." - Nietzsche
"Never to lie is to have no lock to your door." - Elizabeth Bowen


"Marriage is not a word but a sentence." - unknown
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing." - Anonymous
"Marriage has teeth, and him bite very hot." - Jamaican proverb
"It was so cold I almost got married." - Shirley Winters
"Fortune, talent, health--he had everything; but he was married." - C.G. Gleyre
"You cannot weld cake-dough to cast iron, nor a girl to an old man." - unknown
"Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." - Phyllis Diller
"Are you married, or happy?" - Curly, The Three Stooges
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - George Burns
"Let there be spaces in your togetherness." - Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
"A lewd bachelor makes a jealous husband." - Anonymous


"A penny earned is ridiculous." - Anonymous
"Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long." - Groucho Marx
"Behind every great fortune there is a crime." - Honore de Balzac
"Money is the root of all evil--and a man needs roots." - unknown
"I'm not broke, but I am badly bent." - Anonymous
"Spend not, where you may save; spare not, where you must spend." - unknown
"Money isn't everything; usually it isn't even enough." - Anonymous
"As a general rule, nobody has money who ought to have it." - Disraeli
"I feel I'm closest to Hell when I'm thinking about money." - Pharoah Sanders
"Money is always there, but the pockets change." - Gertrude Stein
"Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure." - Errol Flynn
"What's worth doing is worth doing for money." - J. Donohue
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money." - Unknown
"You pays your money, you takes your choice." - Aldous Huxley
"Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money." - Arthur Miller


"Extraordinary how potent cheap music is." - Noel Coward
"Good music isn't nearly as bad as it sounds." - Harry Zelzer
"Jazz is playin' from the heart; you don't lie." - William 'Bunk' Johnson
"Music is the solid of geometry." - Paul Claudel
"It will be gone by June." - VARIETY on rock'n roll, 1955
"Got time to breathe, you got time for music." - Briscoe Darling
"Music is a safe kind of high." - Jimi Hendrix
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung." - Voltaire
"Music can name the unnamable and communicate the unknowable." - L. Bernstein
"Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought." - P.B. Shelley
"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." - Elvis
"Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world." - Peter York


"All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies." - J. Arbuthnot
"Nothing is politically right which is morally wrong. - Daniel O'Connell
"Practical politics consists of ignoring the facts." - Henry Adams
"Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote." - Anonymous
"If Reagan's the answer, it must have been a very silly question." - Anonymous
"It was as dark as the inside of a politician." - Joyce Cary
"The end game in politics is to pick up a gun." - Buckminster Fuller
"The vice-presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm spit." - John Nance Garner
"90% of the politicians give the other 10% a bad reputation." - Kissinger
"Fleas can be taught nearly everything that a Congressman can." - Mark Twain
"Every so often an innocent man is sent to the legislature." - Jim Rudd
"I'm the only person standing between Nixon and the White House." - JFK, 1960
"A political has-been at 49." - NEWSWEEK on Nixon, 1962
"When the president does it, that means it's not illegal." - Richard Nixon
"I would have made a good pope." - Richard Nixon
"Nixon just isn't half the man Hitler was." - Richard Dudman
"Politics: the science of how who gets what, when and why." - Sydney Hillman
"Politics is the diplomatic name for the law of the jungle." - Ely Culbertson
"The end game in politics is to pick up a gun." - R. Buckminster Fuller
"There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry." - Duke of Wellington
"Congress: bingo with billions." - Red Skelton
"A president cannot always be popular." - Harry S. Truman
"Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory." - J.K. Galbraith
"Politics is applesauce." - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"Politics power grows out of the barrel of a gun." - Mao Zedong
"The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun." - R. Buckminster Fuller
"What this country needs is more unemployed politicians." - Edward Langley
"Bedfellows make strange politicians." - Unknown
"Crime does not pay...as well as politics." - Alfred E. Newman
"Good politics are often inextricably intertwined." - Morris Udall
"In politics stupidity is not a handicap." - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
"Facts are stupid things." - Ronald Reagan
"I would have made a good pope." - Richard Nixon
"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." - JFK


"Religion is the future tense of fear." - Unknown
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich." - Napoleon
"Religion... is the opium of the masses." - Karl Marx
"Religions tend to disappear with man's good fortune." - Raymond Queneau
"The world is my country, science my religion." - Christiaan Huygens
"A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle." - Vique's Law
"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." - Woody Allen
"The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose." - William Shakespeare
"I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of Him." - Gabriel García Márquez
"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die." - Joe Louis
"Is man one of God's blunders, or is God one of man's?" - Nietzsche


"You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first." - unknown


"Chaste makes waste." - unknown
"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted." - Mae West
"Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep till noon." - unknown
"She who is silent consents." - Italian proverb
"She's tougher to open than a liquor store in Utah." - Anonymous
"Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling." - Woody Allen
"Nature abhors a virgin--a frozen asset." - Claire Booth Luce
"Your lover's good in bed if they don't steal the covers." - Bruce Lansky
"I tried phone sex, and then I got an ear infection." - Richard Lewis
"He who hesitates is a damned fool." - Mae West
"What a man desires is a virgin who is a whore." - Edward Dahlberg
"I wish I had as much in bed as I get in the newspapers." - Linda Ronstadt
"Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you." - Mae West
"Is sex better than drugs? That depends on the pusher." - unknown
"My wife gives good headache." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Abstain from wine, women and song; mostly song." - W.C. Fields
"Before we make love, my husband takes a painkiller." - Joan Rivers
"The only remedy for sex is more sex." - unknown


"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic." - Stalin
"Cigarette smoking is a major cause of statistics." - fortune cookie
"I could prove God statistically." - George Gallup
"There are 3 kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." - Disraeli
"Figures won't lie, but liars will figure." - Charles H. Grosvenor


"Tell the truth and run." - Yugoslavian proverb
"Truth is tough." - O.W. Holmes
"What the imagination seizes as beauty must be truth." - John Keats
"I never know how much of what I say is true." - Bette Midler
"The truth changes." - Kelly Robinson, I Spy
"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it." - Oscar Wilde
"I always believe in telling the truth--once you get caught." - Mr. Ed
"Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense." - Twain
"The truth is what it is; what should be is a dirty lie." - Lenny Bruce
"Craft must have clothes, but truth loves to go naked." - Thomas Fuller
"Truth is error burned up." - Norman O. Brown
"Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"He who tells the truth must have one foot in the stirrup." - Armenian proverb
"Between cheap and expensive is the truth." - Anonymous
"Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth." - Lillian Hellman
"Doctrine is nothing but the skin of truth set up and stuffed." - Beecher
"Faith has need of the whole truth." - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
"For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction." - Lord Byron
"I believe that in the end the truth will conquer." - John Wycliffe
"In time of war the first casualty is truth." - Boake Carter
"The doors of Truth are guarded by Paradox and Confusion." - Unknown
"The truth is more important than the facts." - Frank Lloyd Wright
"The truth shall make you free - but first it will piss you off." - Unknown
"The victor will never be asked if he told the truth." - Adolf Hitler
"There is no truth on earth that I fear to be known." - Thomas Jefferson
"When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth." - George Bernard Shaw
"When in doubt, tell the truth" - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"Whoever tells the truth is chased out of nine villages." - Turkish proverb
"Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you frantic." - Unknown


"The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run." - John Barrymore
"A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally." - Lillian Day
"Women have two weapons--cosmetics and tears." - Napoleon I
"It can be great fun to have an affair with a bitch." - Louis Auchincloss
"Demons who make us enter Hell through the door of Paradise." - Anonymous
"Thou goest to women? Forget not thy whip!" - Nietzsche
"I hate women because they always know where things are." - James Thurber
"I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother." - W.C. Fields
"Blondes have more fun because they're easier to find in the dark." - unknown
"Never argue with a woman who is tired--or rested." - Richard Burton
"She has two complexions: A.M. and P.M." - Ring Lardner
"Dames lie about everything--just for practice." - Raymond Chandler
"A woman alone was able to wreck paradise." - Arab saying
"Women are like socks: you have to change them regularly." - Anonymous
"There are two kinds of women--goddesses and doormats." - Pablo Picasso
"Women run to extremes. They are either better or worse than men." - La Bruyere
"Women as a sex are Sphinxes without secrets." - Oscar Wilde
"Women and elephants never forget an injury." - H. H. Munro
"All are good maids, but whence come the bad wives?" - unknown
"A ship is sooner rigged than a gentlewoman made ready." - Philip Stubbes
"I like younger women. Their stories are shorter." - Tom McGuane
"Beautiful women come to learn most grief." - Japanese saying
"A woman's tongue is her sword and she never lets it rust." - unknown
"If you don't think women are explosive, try dropping one." - Anonymous
"She was full of energy, like a blond cobra listening to music." - R. Macdonald
"God, why didn't you make women first--when you were fresh?" - Yves Montand
"Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another." - Unknown
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." - Maryon Pearson
"He who looketh upon a woman loseth a fender." - Sign in auto repair shop
"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known." - Walt Disney
"If a man understands one woman, he should let it go at that." - Bob Edwards
"Nothing is more intolerable than a wealthy woman." - Juvenal (60?-140?)
"Of all the wild beasts of land or sea, the wildest is woman." - Menander
"Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior." - Socrates
"There's a great woman behind every idiot." - John Lennon
"A woman has to be twice as good as a man to go half as far." - Fannie Hurst
"A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." - Rudyard Kipling
"A woman, like a good piece of music, should have a solid end." - F. Schubert
"When the candles are all out, all women are fair." - Plutarch
"Women and elephants never forget an injury." - H. H. Munro, "saki"
"Women are just like drugs, the more you get, the more you need." - Unknown
"Women are nothing but machines for producing children." - Napoleon Bonaparte
"Women like silent men. They think they're listening." - Marcel Archard
"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." - Timothy Leary
"My toughest fight was with my first wife." - Mohammad Ali
"One man's folly is another man's wife." - Helen Rowland (1876-1950)


"I don't feel good." - Luther Burbank's last words
"All right then, I'll say it: Dante makes me sick." - Lope Vega's last words
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." - Pancho Villa's last words
"Go away. I'm all right." - H.G. Wells' last words
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-" - Gen. Sedgewick's last words
"If this is dying, I don't think much of it." - Lytton Strachey's last words
"The farce is finished. I go to seek a vast perhaps." - Francois Rabelais' last words
"I thought dying was harder." - King Louis IV's last words
"Renounce the devil? This is no time to make new enemies." - Voltaire's last words
"Put out the light." - Theodore Roosevelt's last words
"Now comes the mystery." - Henry Ward Beecher's last words